Kjerste and the CoHo

In December

2012-01-14T10:45:00.000-08:00

We had such a great month. Gus was old enough to appreciate Christmas time this year, and it was so fun to show him everything. He loved wishing people Merry Christmas and he really loved the chocolate coins he got in his stocking. He hasn't stopped talking about those...

It was a busy month filled with fun moments, and I think the pictures tell it best.

Christmas in the Park:

When mama leaves the room...

...Gus hops on my computer and Lucia makes her move on a paper bag (girl is half goat, I swear).

We had fun at Downtown Campbell's holiday festival. Luci stayed bundled in her carseat stroller enjoying the lights.

Gus, of course, wanted to check out the fire truck. I got a picture of him saying "no" to the next kid in line to sit in the driver's seat, but I'll just post this one of him and dad. He's still recovering from the pain of leaving the fire truck, as you can see.

I will say that it's pretty great we have playground weather year round in California.

Our Lussekatt is growing up fast.

She started popping up on all fours early in the month, and by month's end she was crawling. She wasn't even six months old yet. I was not prepared.

Guitar

2012-01-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

We got Gus a guitar for Christmas and he instantly became too cool for us.

We got Luci a tambourine, but she knows the guitar is cooler and tries to steal it regularly.

In November

2011-12-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

We took a "colors of nature" walk and found a rainbow of treasures.

We did some "bubble art" (I think this is right after he took a small swig despite repeated warnings not to).
He donned his sister's hat and used her sock as a puppet.

He and his sister occasionally played togetherish!

And he persisted in being ridiculously handsome.

In the meantime, Luci perfected her grabbing skills. "Quietly determined" is what my mom called her, and that's about right.

She watched her brother build towers.

And continued to supply an abundance of joy to our family.

Also, I'm going to go ahead and call it now: I think we're two for two as far as our kids loving the dog. She giggles when Kona comes near and grabs for him. Kona is definitely earning his sainthood these days.

On the Road Again

2011-11-16T21:40:00.000-08:00

What I've Been Reading

2011-11-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

Food for Thought: Labels are for Clothes Not for Children
I've been thinking about this ever since reading that article that went around a while ago about how Siblings Share Genes But Rarely Personalities (there are a lot of great thoughts in this article, but the part about comparisons really stuck with me as a mother--have I posted this before?). Goes to show that if you wait long enough, someone will write the post you were meaning to write, and probably do a better job than you would have (this post happens to be about twins, but it totally applies to siblings in general).

Hilarious: Teshing It Up a Notch
Simcha Fisher may be the funniest woman I've ever read.

For the To-Do List: A Toddler Friendly House
Since we're going to have littles for a while, I've been working on making our house more accommodating for them.

In which I Identify: In Which I Find Grace to be Dry Land
This made me cry because I've so been there.

More for the To-Do List: 31 Days of William Morris
Last month a bunch of bloggers tried to blog for 31 days straight about a chosen subject. This one was one of my favorites (and she successfully completed all 31 days, which is a miracle in itself). William Morris is the originator of the quote "Have nothing in your homes that you do not know to be useful and believe to be beautiful." Anyway, she decluttered, fixed, organized, etc. every day for 31 days, and I found it very inspiring.

All About Three Months with Lucia

2011-11-10T09:44:00.000-08:00

Our sweet girl just keeps growing.

At her four month well-baby check up today, she was still topping the charts.

She's become so much more interactive, checking out her toys.

She wants to sit. She really wants to sit. I think the Bumbo gave her a new perspective on life, and she's no longer crazy about reclining.

If she can't sit, and mama's left her unstrapped, she'll go ahead and turn over.

So strap her in we must.

(We officially outgrew the swing this month.)

When she's not trying to escape, she's munching on her hands.

She hasn't succeeded in eating her fingers off yet, but she's giving it her best shot.

Unless she can find some dress to munch on.

She was baptized along with her brother this month.

And she spent a whole lot of time like this.

We love Luci.

Yes, we do.

Gus in October

2011-11-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

A few things this month...

He learned how to pedal his tricycle.

And ride a scooter.

He did some crafts.

He went to the pumpkin patch.

He got baptized. His take: "My hair got wet. I got baptized."

He colored.

He went for walks.

He had an explosion of imaginary play: He's cut up pieces of "dinosaur" for me for dinner (?!), shared his napkin ring "cup of juice" with me, and asked me to hold his "piece" and his "circle" for him while he rode his tricycle.

He hates this sweater. It's not itchy or stiff...I have no idea what the problem is. I think it's adorable. We are at an impasse.

He went trick or treating for the first time. At the first couple of houses he seemed confused that we were not going to go inside and hang out. But then he got the hang of it and didn't want to stop.

Outtakes

2011-11-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to take more pictures of the kids lately. Partly because when I did last month's roundup, I was really scrounging--especially for pictures of Luci since she's usually on me while I photograph Gus. So I did a lot better, and I also ended up with some funny outtakes that are almost better than my "final" pictures...

This is what happens when your two year old sees you trying to take pictures of his sister.

If you weren't won over by his smile, he also has a tower he'd like to show you.

This is what happens when you try to pose a pre-sitting baby.

Alternately, this may happen.

This is what happens when your two year old uses his stool to get a hold of the camera (and has inexplicably removed his shoes).

This is what happens when you try to get a nice picture of your kids in their baptism garb.

And this is what happens when you're busy uploading pictures to your computer. (Yes, he's standing on a table with a lighter. Let's hope CPS doesn't read this blog...)

Lovely Luci is Three Months

2011-10-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

Isn't this pic 80s fab? I mean, aside from the laundry at her head and my creepy hand?

Honestly, she seems older than she is. Partly because she's so big.

Photo credit: Gus.

At her two-month doctor's appointment, she was off the chart for weight. The doctor pulled out the WHO's breastfeeding girls chart, and she was 97 percentile. It's lovely not having to worry about whether she's getting enough to eat, but carrying such a large baby is starting to get challenging. Since she was over 15lbs, I popped her in the Ergo, but she wasn't quite long enough. The next week she was. Girlfriend is growing like a weed. I love it.

She's like a koala baby--she clings, usually to my hair.

She's also racing through her milestones and constantly startling me with what she can do.

She's used to taking her naps in the carrier while Gus plays and when I try to put her down for naps in something stationary, she's not pleased.

Sometimes she'll go for a nap in the swing. She developed this cute habit of grabbing the bar--koala baby!

And then this happened...!

Also, at the end of her second month, she decided that the carseat is not her cup of tea. She'll actually arch herself almost out of it when I'm trying to buckle her in. She does the same thing in the Bumbo when she's decided she's been in there long enough.

She totally loves me. She's just upset that I never get any pics of her in focus. Maybe next month.

Gus in September

2011-10-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, I might not be able to quit the monthly updates on Gus...

Do NOT let this boy in your car.

You will never hear the end of it. "Driving" continues to be a favorite hobby and he does not forget a car.

***

"It's my skateboard," he tells me.

He sees "skateboards" every where.

Luckily we have decent medical insurance.

***

He's loving our "preschool." Here we were testing whether things would float or sink.

And later while he was having free play he plopped a train car into the water in his activity table. "It floats!"

The other day I realized that I have semi-complete conversations with him all the time without even thinking about it. When did that start happening?

He's already figured out that mom usually knows where he's left stuff. He came in with his rainboot today, "Mama, where's the other one?"

Our little mirror reflects back our phrases, quirks, and sin to us. "Mama grab my water for me?" "Shoot!" he says with venom (and we're lucky that's the worst thing he's picked up).

***

Lately he's been trying to figure out emotions more. When I put my head in my hands he asks "sad?" "No, baby, mama's happy." "Tired?" "Yeah, I'm always tired..."

Cars were honking at each other as we drove and he wanted to know why. "They're upset," I told him. "Crying?" "No they're frustrated. Angry."

And still when he's not sure what's going on with his mercurial mother he brings up "cow's udder? Mama hurt?"

***

He says "muse-get" for "music." I love it.

***

About a week ago I finally ordered his fall shoes. When he got up from his nap, I told him, "Mama ordered you some new shoes on the computer! They should be here in a few days, and the delivery man will bring them to us in his big truck and ring the doorbell and make Kona bark. And he'll leave a box on our doorstep with your shoes!" He considered all of this. "Ding dong! Kona bark? Man? Shoes?" And since then he's asked every couple of days about his "man shoes," which makes me giggle.

***

He also loves his stool. "I need my stool" is a common refrain any time he wants to do something he can't reach.

What I've Been Reading

2011-10-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

How do you know what to do?
Like me, this woman has read too many different discipline philosophies. I did the same thing with sleep. In both cases I decided to keep a few things here and there and then throw all of the books out of the window...

Homeschool Blindspots
This is an excellent, excellent article that a couple different friends posted on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. While it was written about homeschooling parents, I think everything in it applies to all christian parents and actually even all parents. I am haunted by the woman who would have baked less bread and several times lately that thought has caused me to pause and enjoy Gus in a particular moment when my first thought would have been to accomplish one of my goals.

How Do Babies Lower Testosterone Levels
I just find it fascinating how we are designed to rear children and the chemical changes that happen in men when they aren't the ones giving birth or nursing are so interesting to me.

In which I am writing it down for someday
Yes. This. Have your hankie ready.

What if the secret to success is failure
This is a long but very good article from the NY Times. Character building is so important.

Do you suffer from decision fatigue?
Another very interesting NY Times article. It was going around a while ago, but I mentioned it to several people lately and wanted to post it here...

Rhythms and Routines: The Flow of the Week
This has helped me immensely and I've based our current schedule on the thoughts here. I love the idea of rhythms and routines--structure but not rigid structure.

Les Deux

2011-09-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

I keep trying to write about my overall experience having two kids, but I'm so busy being exhausted by it all. And then it changes before I can finish a thought on any post I'm working on.

That post on how I was going to be a good mom? I was actually mostly over that by the time I posted it, but I'd spent so much time trying to get it done that I decided I was publishing it as it was... Maybe next year I'll post a followup about what I'm thinking now.

The first month was hard. The thought of being alone with both of them seemed a ridiculous proposition. Adam was home the first two weeks, and then my mom was in and out the following two weeks. And any time I was alone with the kids all three of us would end up in tears.

It didn't help that as soon as my milk came in I got thrush. Luckily I knew what it was right away and started working on it, but it still took about a month for it to go away. So every feeding was extremely painful and of course she was eating a lot then. My neck and shoulders were sore from tensing up every time she started "hunting." Then Gus would come over and try to tug on her head, and the pain of that paired with the fact that he was tugging on my newborn's head made me crazy.

It was all I could do not to rip his head off and I desperately wished for a toddler break. And, yes, I also felt awful because I knew he needed extra attention and affirmation and I just wanted him to go away. And I felt guilty because instead of enjoying Lucia's newness, I just kept wishing we were at the three month mark when she'd smile at me and the thrush would be gone and we wouldn't have to change diapers all night long.

Turns out I only needed to get to six weeks. Sometime during week five, she smiled and I realized the pain was gone and we started being able to co-sleep through the night (she still feeds once or twice a night, but it's no big deal).

Around that time, my worst fear was realized: We ran out of milk and bananas (a Major Crisis in this house) and I was forced to grocery shop by myself with both kids.

It actually wasn't that bad.

And since then it's been hills and valleys. I'll manage to do something I was nervous about or a day will just go really smoothly and I'll think oh, I'VE SO GOT THIS. That's right, two kids--bring it! Always the next day is awful. Or maybe the morning will be great and the afternoon awful. I just can't sustain the highs. If we've been preternaturally productive, somebody will shoot poo up the back of their shirt, or there will be an injury, or even worse--they will both wake up from their naps at the same time, which means that while there was some blessed nap overlap, I will pay dearly. That's just how it goes.

And every day there's at least one Sophie's Choice moment around here where both kids are crying and I can only help one.

When I was pregnant and Gus was a more unsteady toddler, I felt like God was really working on patience with me. We were so, so slow. Little things took two or three times as long as they would if I were on my own (and not pregnant). It was so frustrating to me, and the thought of how long things would take when there were two of them would send me to tears.

Funny thing is, that is not my issue now. Things do take forever. If we're going to meet up with some friends for a picnic lunch, I basically start getting ready for that as soon as we wake up. It takes hours. But I don't really care because just the fact that I can get both littles out of the house by myself seems amazing.

It's really helped that I've started the "homeschool preschool" "curriculum" (and, yes, all the air quotes are necessary); Gus and I now have fun together doing age-appropriate activities for him and I enjoy teaching him and seeing what it is he picks up on. I find that schedule and discipline help me to actually do the things I want to do instead of just thinking about them, and with a new baby that's become even more true. And the discipline issues with Gus have improved greatly, so I think he likes it too.

In conclusion, I have two gorgeous kids. I'm richly blessed. Some day I'll look back and miss these times. I can rest in heaven.

The CoHo Preschool

2011-09-17T21:06:00.000-07:00

I've started a little "homeschool preschool" "curriculum" with Gus as of last week. It's an experiment and I'm very much playing it by ear, but I wanted to make sure that I'm exposing him to new experiences even in the midst of caring for a new baby. I'm a fan of unstructured play, but I also want to give him tools to learn to his potential.

And now I'm done trying to justify myself to the various educational philosophies swimming in my head.

Anyway.

Last week we were learning about cows and we made this ridiculous looking thing:

As I drew the face I realized that my cow was starting to look like a dog and I tried to fix it, but only made it worse. I'd also had the brilliant idea to make an udder using a latex glove so that Gus could "milk" the cow. As I'm putting all of this together and it's just becoming more and more demented looking, I got the giggles. Soon I was hysterically laughing, shrieking really, and tears were rolling down my face. (I don't get out much these days.)

Completely scared the heck out of my kids.

Lucia was looking at me with great big saucer eyes and Gus almost started crying and he refused to tape the pieces of the cow together. Now every time we walk in the play room and see the cow, he says "Cow's udder! Mama sad! Mama hurt!"

The CoHo Preschool - now ~~traumatizing~~ enrolling!

Dowdy Mom

2011-09-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy with Lu. When I walked out of the hospital 36 hours after delivery, I'd lost 10. Not great but at least it was a start.

Over the next two weeks, I lost 5lbs quickly and then another 5lbs slowly. But since breastfeeding made me ravenous and I was eating like a horse, I was pretty happy with that.

And then I gained 5lbs back. See above reference to eating like a horse.

So I still have 25lbs to go to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, which I would have told you was 20lbs overweight to begin with (though I'd be pretty happy to be there right now).

That's 45lbs to lose, which is quite depressing. That's more than both of my kids weigh together. Good grief.

The way I've been tackling this problem is continuing to eat like a horse and hoping that suddenly I'll have a very different metabolism than I've had my entire life.

I can't believe that's not working!

But you know what's weird? My self-perception totally lags--like several years. There's a third grade picture of me with overly large adult teeth, limp hair, and a self-conscious smile that haunted me all through Jr. High. When I thought of myself, I would see that picture.

In college, I thought I was the cute little thing that I was in high school when the reality was that I'd put on 15-20lbs. One day a woman I worked with commented that another girl in the office and I were the same size and the other girl was completely offended when I agreed. She was actually the size I used to be, so I guess I thought I was just a diet away from being her size again.

Now I think of myself at my pre-pregnancy weight (though my clothes beg to disagree) and I think that while I could stand to drop a few, I'm not noticeably heavy... But at the park the other day there was another mom there with twin sons Gus' age. I made some friendly overtures, but she was mostly stand0ffish, which, fine, some people are like that. But she was a Cute Mom and when another Cute Mom showed up she became much more chatty. And I realized OH SNAP, I'm Dowdy Mom. Boo!

Something must be done.

Two Months

2011-09-11T10:03:00.000-07:00

Just before she was six weeks, I caught a smile. They started off small, sweet little grins after she'd been fed and changed and all was right with the world.

One night her brother couldn't sleep and came to our bed. The scuffle woke her and when I turned to check on her in the dim light I saw the hugest smile on her face. Now she flashes her big grins and coos back when talk to her.

Her new trick this last month was grabbing. We're still working on letting go.

She's kind of a mama's girl. I guess most babies are at this age, but Gus had a lot more daddy time, so it wasn't as pronounced.

She's already changed so much, and I hardly recognize the pictures of the little newborn we brought home just over eight weeks ago.

If she'd been our first baby, I'd be one of those smug parents who thinks this parenting thing is easy. She's a chubby little cherub who sleeps well, eats well, grows like a weed, and generally lights up the place without needing much.

On the quilt her great-grandma made in the dress I bought for her baptism which she'll probably grow out of before said baptism in six weeks or so...

What I've Been Reading

2011-09-08T21:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've been reading a lot from the National Catholic Register lately...
I agree: Marriage Isn't for Perfect People
This is funny: Mother's Helpers
Preach it, sister: Stay at Home Moms Need Help
And, on that note: I Miss My Mom

This is how I justify not spending a bunch of money on lessons: Lack of Free Play is Harming Our Kids
And this is how I justify checking Facebook at the park: Parents Stifle Kids' Active Play

This was so encouraging; I loved the list and was relieved to see that I'm doing many of those things (perhaps I'm not failing as much as I feel like I am at times): Learning Really is an Atmosphere
And this was very encouraging as the mother of two tinies: The Tunnel of Parenthood

I Was Going to be a Good Mom

2011-09-08T21:12:00.000-07:00

I had Ideas about how to completely avoid the Terrible Twos. I understood that toddlerhood is a magical time of rapid learning and that most problems arise because toddlers' communication skills haven't quite caught up to all the things they are understanding and feeling.

I read blogs and bought books and knew what I was going to do:

I would clearly and simply explain things when I had to tell my toddler "no."*
I would slowly and patiently teach my toddler how to "help" even if it slowed me down.**
I would be consistent.**
I would never lose my temper.**
I would keep my toddler engaged and stimulated with developmentally appropriate activities.**
I would set up my house to encourage my toddlers independence and teach him how to use and care for things rather than childproofing everything.*

* These things I actually have done, but they did not have the intended effect.
** These things I have completely and utterly failed at.

Many nights I cry for one or more of the following reasons:

I am conflicted about how to discipline, and it shows.
I am worried that I'm not teaching him as much as I should/could.
I am worried that I have over scheduled him, and I worry that we have not enrolled him in enough.***
I am worried that I'm too strict with him and that I'm too lenient. ***

***I can worry about these opposite problems at the same time! Impressive, yes?

I used to ask people with well-behaved children what parenting books they recommended. Now my theory is that some of these kids are born that way. Sure they have great parents too, but personality accounts for a lot. So now I ask people whose children seem to have similar temperaments but who seem to be holding it together somewhat what books they recommend. But at the end of the day I know that all kids are different and all parents are different and that I'm going to have to find my own way at times.

This is hard.

Two!

2011-09-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Excuse me while I have a moment because this boy that I birthed...he is now two.

I taught the two year old Sunday school class, and I know what happens now. We've jumped on a train with a one-way ticket to Kidsville. The place where chubby cheeked toddlers turn into preschoolers. Kids come into the class only kind of talking, not knowing how to sit down in a circle...and they leave carrying on conversations about what they like and don't like and reminding you when story time starts...and let me tell you. It's a slippery slope. The kids I taught are now in SCHOOL. Because I BLINKED.

So I thought the first birthday was just a special case, but maybe it will always be tough for me. Watching my little man make his way into the big world where I can protect him less and less.

And I have to keep reminding myself that this guy here, he's got two parents who love and pray for him to find his way. And that's a lot.

I think this is a good time to end the monthly updates. From now on I'll just post when he does something I want to remember (as if I don't want to remember it all).

So here's what he's been up to lately...

"Gus help!" is what he says when he wants to do something himself (it is the antithesis of "Mama help!"). And lately there are more and more things he wants to do himself. And there are more and more things he can do himself. He gets himself set up in his chair for meals now. And if there's something on the bar counter that he wants, he goes to the bathroom and gets his step stool from the sink, drags it out to the kitchen and climbs up.

He laughs when we laugh and pronounces things funny. Including himself. "I'm funny me," he told us recently.

His Aunt Michelle came to visit the week before his birthday and taught him to say "delicious" about his food. So now he takes his first bite and declares "delicious!"

His favorite activity of all time is sitting in the driver's seat of a car. "Daddy car? Okay!" he asks incessantly. He could play there for hours, turning on the hazard lights, blasting the heater, starting and stopping the windshield wipers.

One of my favorite things he's started doing is being interested in other people. "Who this?" he asks when he doesn't know another person's name. He remembers his little friends and sometimes asks about them. If one kid showed an interest in a particular type of toy, he'll remember that the next time he sees that toy. I hope he continues to be interested in others.

The morning of his birthday I said "Gus, it's your birthday today!" And he responded "Cake?"

Happy second birthday to our cheeky possum.

First Month

2011-08-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

We call her Lucia, Luci, Lu, Lulu, Lula... Gus has his own special pronunciation--instead of lu-SEE-uh, he says LU-sya.

The sure fire way to get her to sleep is to wrap her up tight and hold her in the cradle position with her head in the crook of your arm. This is her happy spot and she'll fall asleep there while I'm moving laundry, making Gus lunch, or unloading the dishwasher with the other arm. She's not as crazy about slings (though she's getting better now that I'm insisting) or sleeping on chests.

She's an easy baby, eating, and sleeping, and gaining weight well. It's amazing how much she's grown in just one month. We're estimating that she's gained two pounds now, and she's out of newborn sizes.

She makes chirpy little newborn sounds and is starting to coo. She seems easily bothered by loud sounds, which is a bummer with that brother of hers and the dog around...

Kona sniffed her when she first came home, but as long as he's not barking, she doesn't seem to notice him yet. Meanwhile, her second night home she was crying during a diaper change in the wee hours, and Kona started whining as she cried. He "complained" the entire time and when she calmed down he literally gave a big doggy sigh. Apparently she was keeping him up. I almost kicked him out for that one.

There's so much fun mystery in a newborn. What will she be like? Who does she look like? What early signs of her personality will we only realize when we reflect back?

And it all goes so fast. So we're getting in all the snuggles we can.

Daybreak: Lucia's Birth Story

2011-08-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

Prologue
Friday morning I woke up feeling nauseous. It wasn't quite first trimester nauseous, but something about it made me feel like it was a hormonal thing. By mid-morning I was hoping that it meant labor would be soon, because otherwise it was just me feeling really bad at 9 months pregnant on a hot day for no good reason.

12am
At midnight I noticed some painful contractions, but I thought maybe I could sleep them off. After they'd woken me up multiple times, I looked at the clock and saw that it was one, and realized I'd better start timing them. I also texted my sisters in Modesto to see if they were awake...no response.

1am

So I wake up Adam. My support person, my birth partner, my rock.

And he got up and puked.

Yes, he did.

We thought he must have eaten something that disagreed with him (it may have been a virus though since our second night home with Lucia, Gus threw up all over his bed...).

2:00am
At two o'clock the contractions were averaging about 10 minutes apart and I decided to call my sister to come stay with Gus. I was still afraid that I might not really be in labor, but I was convinced enough to drag her out of bed, and thank goodness I did it then. I considered calling a local friend to come until Annah could get there, but since I was 10 minutes apart, I thought I probably had some time. (Ha!)

By the end of the hour I was averaging about five minutes apart. And Adam puked again. (So violently, it turns out, that blood vessels in his eyes broke and they were pretty scary for the next week.)

3:00am
Being five minutes apart was making me a little nervous, and I started to wonder if my contractions were becoming more intense...then I had one that was unquestionably difficult. I swear I felt myself dilate at least two centimeters. I think it was then that I became "a woman possessed" as Adam referred to it. I had him call my sister to see where she was because I was suddenly convinced I was actually in labor and I was now afraid we were running out of time.

My poor sister arrived about 10 minutes later, and I had every intention of giving her a big hug and telling her I owed her a coffee...shop. But instead she arrived while I was in the middle of a contraction and making my whale noises. Then she came in and tried to say hi and I pushed past her on my way to throw up. In my defense, I'm sure she preferred that to me trying to say hi and puking on her.

As I was hurling, I wondered if I had food poisoning too or if I was in transition. Both seem like pretty bleak options since I WAS STILL AT HOME. So as soon as I was done I burst out of the bathroom muttering "we have to go, we have to go" practically mowing my sister down a second time and yelling at Adam to get me something to puke in as I try to make it to the car before I contract or throw up again.

We have a Pilot. It is not a small car. But with two rear-facing carseats in the second row and a stroller and dog gear in the back, there was no place for me to stretch out at all. I'd been getting through all of my contractions by climbing onto our bed into child pose with some pillows under my chest, and I just couldn't come up with any better position. So I was on my knees in the passenger seat bent over the center console and I was praying, praying, praying that we get to the hospital in time and that I don't have too many contractions in the car because I'm horribly uncomfortable. And I was a little afraid that I might have the baby on 280.

It's only a 10 minute drive to the hospital and I have about three contractions just during the drive as I'm hanging off the seat and holding on to Adam's seat. At one point I thought we were getting on the freeway, but then I looked up and saw that we were still on city streets. Poor Adam was doing the best he could, but I was a mad woman. "WINCHESTER?!" I bellowed.

I was praying very loudly for help as each contraction ramped up and then thanking "sweet, sweet Jesus" as they ramped down. I think I temporarily left the Presbyterian church and became Charismatic. Between contractions I started singing, and the song that came to me was "Good to Me" so I was muttering repeatedly "Lord my rock, my strength in weakness...for you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me."

Adam parks in the emergency lane at the curb in front of the emergency room (He totally left the car there--thankfully we didn't even get ticketed though there were several police cars there. Guess they had bigger fish to fry...) and grabs a wheelchair which I climb onto backwards so my knees are in the seat and I'm bent over the back. Luckily I knew the way we had to go thanks to my false labor, but I also knew that it was a really long hall we had to go down.

It's funny because from the time we got to the hospital until Lucia was born, I had my eyes closed most of the time and so my memory is of a bunch of disembodied voices except for two people.

The front desk lady was one of the two people I looked at because I was trying to kill her dead with my death glare. She had me sign three things before they'd take us back...I may have given them our first born...I don't know. I do know that my signature was virtually unrecognizable, so I think that I can show that it was made under duress. (She actually did expedite things because after the birth we had to do all of the stuff we normally would have done before.)

So then they had me wheeled to the observation room that I was in last time (for the false labor), and I'm thinking "Seriously? You're going to make me get into one bed and get checked before you take me to the delivery room? I am CLEARLY in labor this time!" The nurse in the observation room was the second person I looked at--trying out my death stare again. It totally didn't work. But before I could climb out of the wheelchair I had another contraction and my water broke.

I hope they cleaned that wheelchair really well.

This fortuitous turn of events earned me a ticket straight to a delivery room. There they said they really needed to check me, so I managed to get on my back and I was just praying that I was a 7 or 8 because if I wasn't, someone was going to have to shoot me and put me out of my misery.

Honestly I kept asking myself why I do this without painkillers. How stupid am I? There are all of these people here who would happily give them to me. Next time I'm getting the works. Scratch that, there won't BE a next time!

I was an 8.5 and 100%. And then--major props to Kaiser for this--they let me get back on my knees on the bed and raise the back up so I could lean on it for support--a position I stayed in for the rest of the labor.

4:00am
Suddenly the room was quiet. It turned out there were a LOT of deliveries that day (might have been why they tried to stall me in the observation room, though the nurse told me later that many women do come in acting like I was and they're only 2cm. I...can't even imagine...). I could hear people out in the hallway, but we were alone. I had another contraction and this time I had an uncontrollable urge to push. That never happened to me the first time, and I was really scared the baby could come shooting out (unfortunately my labors aren't THAT easy). Anyway, I screamed that I needed to push and that they needed to get someone in there.

Honestly I was acting like I was in a bad movie script. I'd told myself that I was going to be more calm this time. I mean, if Katie Holmes can do a silent birth, I could at least act like a human being, right? But, yeah, dignity out the window.

So finally people start arriving...more disembodied voices...somebody authoritative sounding says I'm just about ready to push.

NO KIDDING. I actually thought I was pushing (I wasn't--she must have been moving down the birth canal or something, but I wasn't crowning yet).

There was some discussion about me needing an IV, but they ended up not having time for it. Soon they're saying that it's time to push with the next contraction, and as I start pushing there's a conversation about when I started this labor and Adam was answering for me because all I do at this point is grunt, and someone says how lucky I am that I have such fast labors.

And I'm thinking I DO NOT FEEL LUCKY.

(In hindsight, yes, I'm rather lucky. But labor still isn't fun.)

But it did feel good to start pushing--the contractions don't seem so bad when I'm pushing. I must have pushed for about 20 minutes or so. Apparently once I got most of her head out her chin was still stuck there and that's when everybody started screaming at me that we had to get her out NOW, PUSH, PUSH, DON'T STOP PUSHING AGGHH!

And as soon as she was out my normal personality returned and suddenly I cared that I was, ahem, rather indecent and also, I'd like to turn around and sit on the bed like a normal person now, thanks.

So I turn around and there on the bed in front of me is this huge, full-term baby who could not possibly have come out of me. They'd told me she had dark hair when she was coming out, but the first thing I noticed when I saw her was Adam's nose.

It was 4:38.

We'd had a few different names in mind and we decided that we'd settle on a name once we met her. I'd been praying that we'd know the right name when the time came. I'd spent a lot of time looking up the different names and their meanings, and I loved that one of the meanings of Lucia was "daybreak" and that in Italy it was traditionally given to girls who were born as dawn broke. And when I read that, I thought that if she was born in the early morning hours, I would know that she was Lucia.

So when they asked what her name was, I looked at Adam and said "Lucia." And we were holding her as the sun rose.

22 months

2011-08-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

And then there were two.

In his twenty second month, Gus became a big brother.

He was immediately excited about his sister's "baby toes!" and "baby hands!" and "baby eyes!" He was not so excited about mama, however. He tried to ignore me in the hospital and protested when I asked for a hug.

With daddy home the first two weeks, he was a pretty happy camper, but I definitely have to watch him now for unnecessary roughness with the baby. Still, she is the one he wants to see when he gets home or wakes up in the morning.

This month he became more interested in puzzles and impressed us with his improving abilities. He's also trying to count: "One, two, five! Three! Five!"

He weighs himself on our bathroom scale and announces that he's "thirty five." (He's not even close to 35 lb--I have no idea where he even heard that number.)

This month, he decided that he likes to swing. Most kids have been enjoying swinging since...forever...but he never liked it. Then my mom put him in it, and he saw another kid enjoying it, and now it's all he wants to do when we get to the park.

We have all kinds of bizarre pictures on our cameras because he's figured out how to operate them.

He's inquisitive and energetic. He has a really cute farmer's tan. His feet are constantly dirty from backyard forays. He loves "snuggles." He's our boy.

Lucia is Here!

2011-07-11T20:06:00.000-07:00

I just posted some of the pictures we'd uploaded to Facebook over the last few days in an album on the Postcards blog. As you can imagine, we've been pretty busy over here.

Lucia was born early in the morning on Saturday, July 9. At midnight I started having contractions, and she came at 4:38am (we arrived at the hospital just before 4am). So it was another quick labor. I'm writing up her birth story, but it's taking me a little while to get it done in my sleep-deprived state. There was quite a bit of craziness packed in those four and a half hours. The short story is that it was another natural, unmedicated birth, and despite her size (8lb 12oz), I had only a small tear that didn't require a stitch. We're both doing great, and we came home early because apparently everyone in the South Bay decided to have a baby at Kaiser on July 9, so it was quite a packed house there. But more details to come...

His 21st Month

2011-07-03T09:13:00.000-07:00

Gus became increasingly verbal this month. It seems like he's constantly mimicking words that we say or that he hears in a song or somewhere else. And he's started repeating phrases too. So funny to get a little more insight on what's going on in that head of his. He's so observant, and I've learned that if he says there's a heart, there is one around, I just haven't noticed it yet. Then there are the times when I can't figure out what made him think of something--like in the middle of Ikea when he told me "Kona's a good dog."

This month he's been into assigning ownership of anything he sees: Mama shirt, daddy pants, Gus shoes, etc.

We got Adam a new bike and an iBert for Gus to go riding with him. When they get back from a ride, it's all Gus can talk about: Gus helmet! Daddy helmet! Daddy bike! Cycle! (repeat).

He also calls his new tricycle from Grammy and Papa a "cycle." That's a big hit too, and he often asks for "Walk?! Cycle?!"

He continues to be into his colors, and he gets them right more often now. I can't decide if he really loves yellow, or if he just likes saying it.

Now that it's summer he's had some opportunities to participate in pool and water play--mostly he gives me this look like "why would I do that?" But he occasionally warms up after a while and hops in.

Suddenly he seems so very boyish and not really baby any more at all.

Children's Bedroom

2011-06-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

I've had a lot more energy the last few weeks and was able to put the final touches on the kids' bedroom. I'm so happy with how it turned out. It's calm but happy, clean, and gender neutral (we decided to have them share a bedroom and create a playroom rather than giving them both their own rooms--I think Gus will love having company, and we figure it will be five years or so before they need their own separate spaces).

The walls are grey (or they were supposed to be--they're more blue than I'd anticipated) and then I used pops of bright green.

I love these birds. They hung in my grandparent's formal living room when I was growing up. It had a tall cathedral ceiling and the birds were soaring and for some reason, they really captured my attention. They have sort of a stylized 60s/70s shape to them. My grandparents recently downsized and when they were divvying up furniture and things I was like I WANT THE BIRDS. And everyone else was like "what birds? Those birds? Umm, okay." I didn't know where I was going to put them at first, but then I realized they would be perfect in the kids' room. I love them there, and I love that Gus often points them out, "Birds!"

To the right of the window is Gus' framed birth announcement and a placeholder for Baby Girl's.

We pulled off the closet doors and I added these "curtains" I made from Ikea fabric.

I've showed this detail of the fabric before, but I'm showing it again because I love it. I sent my grandma the leftovers and she's making a quilt for Baby Girl out of them.

And here's the closet open. That's right, I went all OCD and did green storage bins. The baskets hanging on our wall held programs at our wedding, and the fabric bins in the closet were purchased when Gus was just a hope. (There is actually a cover on the changing pad now; I just didn't feel like taking another picture.)

To the left of the changing area is a little homage to Oz. That's a kangaroo and Gus' baby Uggs along with an Australian flag Adam had bought for Australia Day in the shelf box. Beneath that is Gus' Australian birth certificate. I chose the Australian animals version because I'm touristy like that. I think it's so beautiful and unique.

Oh look, more Australia. To the right of the closet (left side of the window) is this carving of Aussie animals that I mounted on a canvas that I painted green to give it a bit more presence.

Opposite the crib is the twin bed that, umm, Gus was already supposed to be in by now... (Baby Girl will be in a bassinet in our room--or wherever we feel like rolling it--at first, but I'm hoping not to have to get a second crib when she grows out of that.)

Oh YES I DID blow up a picture of our dog. As you can see from this post, I usually take terrible pictures, but I happened to catch a pretty good one of Kona on the beach, and it makes me giggle. It really captures his weird doggy lips (there's even some drool) and his intense concentration on his ball. I just wish I'd flipped the image so that he'd be looking at the birds, but as Adam pointed out, it's more like Kona to be looking in the wrong direction. (The size and placement look a little off in this photo, but I swear it's better in person...)

I've been focusing up on finishing the playroom next (or at least mostly finishing it); pictures of that space coming soon.

What I've Been Reading

2011-06-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I bookmark interesting articles. Sometimes I email links to friends who I've talked to about a subject. Sometimes I leave the tab up in my browser until my computer needs to be restarted and then I lose the article completely. So I'm going to try blogging them--it's easier to look them up that way, and maybe you'll find something interesting too.

An interesting discussion about how fathers parent differently:
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/dads-parenting-style-has-its-purpose/

This is about the age kids should start music lessons, but she also had an interesting point about formal education beginning at 7:
http://simplehomeschool.net/when-should-my-child-begin-music-lessons/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+SimpleHomeschool+%28Simple+Homeschool%29

Been thinking about how to encourage Gus:
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/challenges-5-ways-to-help-kids-stick-with-i/

Thar She Blows

2011-06-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

37 weeks (almost 38). The day I turned 37 weeks was the beginning of a heat wave, and as I sat in evening service I watched my feet swell between the straps of my sandals, and by the time we got to the benediction I could no longer pry my wedding ring off of my finger. But I still felt really good all things considered. Then a couple days ago the fatigue returned. Boo.

Anyway, the belly is quite prominent. I still manage to forget about it at times. But occasionally I'll turn around and see it catch Adam's eye and he'll say something like "wow, Baby Girl is really out there."

Yes, she is. She pushes my seatbelt out of the way now so that it's practically strangling me. Also, I can barely reach the faucet on my beloved farm sink. That extra inch it sticks out from the counter makes a difference these days.

The view from the top changes throughout the day, but often I'm kinda pointy.

Nice and aerodynamic.

Nesting

2011-06-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

Ever since passing the 35 week mark, I've been feeling great. Maybe the iron supplements kicked in; probably helps that I felt such a relief from stress when I passed that marker. 35 weeks is usually okay for lung development and 35 weekers are often "take home" babies.

And when I passed 36 weeks and was released from the high risk group, I felt downright liberated. I've always been so grateful to have that extra support, but I also felt so responsible to "know" if anything was going wrong this time. And, of course, I was afraid that I might do something to "cause" it.

So now that everyone's cool with me having this baby any time now, I feel so much better. I'm much more excited about getting things ready and I feel so much more energized. It's like I couldn't give myself permission to really enjoy pregnancy before now.

And we're so far past Gus' gestation that I'm experiencing a lot of the things I heard about, but never got to experience before. Stretch marks are one of the things that I could do without. But I can now identify the body parts that come thrusting out of my belly, and that's pretty fun if a little weird.

And now when people comment that I must be getting close, I'm like "YES! YES, I AM!" Although I had a moment at the park today when another mom asked me when I was due and I totally blanked, like, what are you talking about? HAHAHAA (I'm usually pretty focused on keeping Gus from attacking kids twice his size so I'm thinking about him rather than the baby when we're out...)

Anyway, I've finally finished--FINISHED--the kids' bedroom, and the playroom is a lot closer, though I suspect that will be an ongoing project. The newborn clothes and blankets are washed. I've started packing a hospital bag (a HOSPITAL BAG, you guys! Last time I sat in the hospital bed in my freakin' jeans making a list for Adam of the stuff I needed and where he could find it.). I'm thinking we'll install the car seat this weekend. I feel...as ready as I'll ever be. And it's so much nicer than feeling completely blindsided, I'll tell you that.

But also she can stay in there for five more weeks if she wants, as long as she's safe and comfortable. I'd like to meet her, but the no crying, no diapering stage is nice too...

False Labor Fun

2011-06-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

So let's talk about the positives...I now know how to get to Labor & Delivery (thought I knew before, but I was wrong) and how to get into Labor & Delivery after hours (you have to go in Emergency and then through some doors that don't look like you should be going through them); I got some paperwork filled out in advance; and at least my contractions didn't stop the second I walked in the door to make me look like a complete fool.

On Thursday my perinatology nurse told me I could stop monitoring contractions now since I'd be 36 weeks on Sunday and they don't try to stop labor at that point (I'll still have weekly calls about my blood sugar though). But I'm in such a habit of tracking my contractions now that on Saturday when I noticed I was having what felt like more than usual I did the all of the stop contractions measures (drink water, lay down on my left side). That didn't seem to do anything, so then I decided to ignore them and get some stuff done. And they still didn't go away. Around 5, I started timing them. And my first few were only 2.5 minutes apart. But then they were 5 minutes apart. Most were under 10 minutes apart, and then I'd get busy and forget to time one, blah, blah, blah, but I was averaging 5 minutes. Still, they were so inconsistent, I just kept tracking them but putting off calling because I hoped they'd go away since they weren't getting closer and more intense.

But around 9 I decided to call since they still hadn't stopped. I have a hard time trusting myself since I didn't realize that I was in labor last time until the doctor told me.

So they had me come in and hooked me up to the fetal monitors, and sure enough, I was having them pretty consistently five minutes apart. But I'm only 1.5 cm dilated and I don't remember how effaced, but it wasn't much. "Not a laboring cervix," the doctor said. The good news is that she's head down now. Last week I totally convinced myself she was transverse (sideways) and that it was all my fault... She must have been turning really slowly because I know I saw her head pop out under my right rib. Creepy! Gus was never big enough for me to identify actual body parts, so this is a new sensation.

Anyway, they kept me there until 1:30am. Good times. At least it was a weekend and Adam was able to take Gus the next morning so I could sleep in.

I continue to contract (though not as frequently), but now I'm ignoring it. Do you hear me, contractions? I'M OVER YOU.

Full term on Sunday!

Here's the Thing

2011-06-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

I probably owe you an email.

And I'm certainly behind in blogging.

There's just no way to correspond with Gus around these days. He cannot leave me in peace with either a phone or computer.

And when he sleeps?

I sleep.

I hear some moms saying they get stuff done during nap time. That's nice for them. I was getting one or two things done and then resting, but a few weeks into my third trimester I just couldn't do it. If I skip nap I'm useless for the rest of the day. And in the evening I'm so brain dead that I watch one thing and usually fall asleep in the middle of it.

I actually have so many things I want to post about. And so many emails I want to right. (HA HA HA...see how tired I am? I used the wrong write!) But sleep just keeps winning. I'm sorry.

I finally gave in and got some iron supplements (had been trying to just do it with diet--but my diet is complicated enough right now) because I wonder if it's the anemia that's to blame. Or maybe it's just the third trimester? I've never been this pregnant before...

(35 weeks!)

All About 20 Months

2011-06-05T22:26:00.000-07:00

"Camera" he says to me and hands me the camera he scored from a table top that is clearly no longer safe. "Smile," he asks and then signs and says "more." He wants me to take another picture of him, so I oblige. "Smile," I tell him, and he screws up his face into a funny, forced pose. As soon as I take the picture he wants to see it. "Baby" he says of himself (he pretty much calls everyone under 7 a baby). "Cute."

And he's right.

He is communicating so much these days, asking for "hug" or "kiss." And he learned he can manipulate his parents with such requests... He also wants to know "what's this?" when he comes across something new.

Enjoying Peruvian food--the fried plantains were a hit.

His favorite game is a form of peek-a-boo: He covers himself with a blanket or article of clothing and asks "Mama, where are you?" which is my cue to look for him. "Gus, where are you?" And often I'll kiss him through the blanket which sends him into peals of laughter.

He runs now, up and down our hall. The sound of his little footsteps is absolutely adorable. He tries to jump and sometimes gets a little air.

Planting tomatoes with daddy.

He's also starting to learn colors and gets them right about half of the time. His favorites seem to be yellow and blue.

Diabetes and Me

2011-05-14T16:42:00.001-07:00

I've been meaning to write about the whole diabetes thing, but I'm back in narcoleptic mode these days...

The diabetes class was good. The first speaker was very affirming (about how we didn't cause this) and yet firm (about how your diet can totally cause or prevent x, y, and z complications). A nurse taught us how to test our blood sugar with the home monitor, and then a dietitian came in and showed us how we need to balance protein and carbs. I thought the worst part of this would be the constant finger sticking (I'm not generally a fan of inflicting pain on myself), but it really isn't that bad. The worst part is the food.

Sometimes I'm hungry and I just want to grab something that I feel like eating instead of figuring out what I can have, how many carbs it involves and what kind of protein I can include. Sometimes I finish my snack and want more. Other times I'm in the middle of something and don't want to stop just because it's snack time.

I think my biggest take away from the class is that I actually do need carbs. Obviously I've done the no sugar thing and I'm a big fan of fat and protein. When I found out about this, it reinforced for me that carbs are a thing of evil, and I felt like if fewer carbs are good then no carbs is better!

That philosophy plus the light lunch I had as I raced out the door for class, also forgetting to bring a snack, earned me the lowest blood sugar level in the class when we did our first test. I was actually only two points above the lowest score they want you to have when you test your fasting level first thing in the morning. The nurse was asking me how I felt, and the dietitian immediately threw crackers at me. And a hungry looking mama behind me was like, "why does she get crackers?!"

Apparently if you go too low your body releases stored sugars and that's not good either.

For the first few days my blood sugar was nice and stable. Ridiculously so. To the point where I was wondering if there'd been some kind of mistake. Oh, smugness! Do see what's coming next?

Friday morning my fasting level was mysteriously high. Just a couple points from being too high. I was fine after breakfast and lunch, but then we went out to dinner Friday night and though I tried to be careful, there was probably some sugar in something I ate because I had my first above-range result. Not so far above range that I had to call the nurses, thank goodness. I really dread that.

Anyway, I bolted out the door because they told us the best thing you can do if your sugar is high is to walk (or do some type of exercise) so that your muscles will eat up the extra sugar and the baby won't get as much. So I walked like a banshee. (I love doing things like a banshee--whatever that means.) Nothing like thinking your baby is drinking Kool Aid blood to get you motivated to exercise.

I tested when I got back from the walk, and it had dropped dramatically. Aside from the stress of keeping my baby safe, I find the process quite fascinating. I want to keep testing my blood just to see what happens when I eat certain things.

I've had a few more high-ish fasting levels, and a couple readings after meals that were over the limit. It actually seems to be getting harder to control, which I hear happens as the pregnancy progresses. I probably also got too comfortable when I was doing so well.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and also my weekly call with perinatology, so we'll see what they have to say...

Pretend There's a Title Here

2011-05-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry for unloading on y'all with my poor-me post last week. It was a knee-jerk reaction and I've come to my senses a bit more now.

I spent a part of Mother's Day thinking about, crying and praying for the many women I know who've lost babies. And the women who want to be mothers but have troubles conceiving. My heart grieves for them.

It would have been nice to have a clean bill of health this pregnancy. I'm tired of researching possible health complications of my children. But I know that I'm blessed despite the challenges that I've faced.

Oh, and when I said I feel like I suck at pregnancy, it's not like I think other women who have issues suck at pregnancy. I'm only this hard on myself. That way I can be sure that I'm picking on someone my own size. Generally I think it sucks that we live in a fallen world and that our bodies don't always do what we want them to. It's particularly frustrating when problems are unexplained.

Tomorrow I have a class on the gestational diabetes and I also get my blood monitor thingy. At first I was really annoyed at the prospect of the finger sticking, but after a week of following the diet and constantly wondering if it's working and if my blood sugar is where it should be and worrying about what the baby is getting, I've become anxious to have a way of checking on everything.

The first complication you always hear about is that the baby could be huge. So last time my baby was too small, and this time my baby might be too big. Sigh. The other issue is that they sometimes have hypoglycemic episodes and in that case she might have to go to the NICU. That's what worries me the most since one of our scarier times in the NICU was when Gus' blood sugar dropped randomly.

I'd really, really like to stay out of the NICU this time. Not that the NICU is the worst case scenario. I'm glad to have that option available to me, and I'm extremely grateful for the talented doctors and nurses who have devoted so much time to studying and caring for the sweet babies who need some extra help. I just feel like I've logged enough hours there.

Anyway, things continue to be challenging and I'm too exhausted at the moment to write about my exhaustion. Off to bed...

Five Years

2011-05-07T06:32:00.000-07:00

The Wild Rose

Wendell Berry

Sometimes hidden from me
in daily custom and in trust,
so that I live by you unaware
as by the beating of my heart.

Suddenly you flare in my sight,
a wild rose blooming at the edge
of thicket, grace and light
where yesterday was only shade,

and once again I am blessed, choosing
again what I chose before.

All About 19 Months

2011-05-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

In his 19th month, Gus moved into his fifth place of residence (or seventh if you count both of the hospitals). He seems to love having a backyard to explore and play in with his dog.

He sprung up another inch lately (without putting on any more weight really) and is looking long and lean these days. We look at baby pictures of him and can't believe how different he looks!

This month he started saying the dog's name and his own name. He hasn't been talking in real sentences yet, although he'll corner you and "say" a bunch of stuff that you can catch one or two familiar words in.

In addition to the new words he picks up all the time, he's starting "polishing" some of his older words. We've never spoken nor encouraged baby talk, but all the same, I'm sort of sad to see some of the cute ones go. He used to say "ba" for banana, but then he figured out there was more to it...so he'd started saying "balala," sort of rolling his tongue at the end to make up for the extra syllables. But now he's saying banana/nana. Wish I'd gotten "balala" on video.

He loves to label all of the things he knows for us. Often when I get him out of bed in the morning he'll start pointing wildly around the room, naming things for me.

He knows, theoretically, that there's a baby in mama's tummy, and he points out other babies whenever he sees them, but I think he'll still be quite surprised when little sister arrives...

As Adam remarked one morning, he's definitely a strong willed child. He's funny, loving, and curious. And very loved.

Spoke Too Soon

2011-05-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

You know, every time I get smug, I get smacked down. You'd think I'd learn, but no.

Apparently I do have gestational diabetes.

Over the weekend I got a lab result in my email, and I was within the normal parameters, so I assumed all was well. But I guess it was one of four tests. If you fail one of the four, you have glucose intolerance. If you fail two, you have gestational diabetes. And I failed two.

I'm actually pretty shocked.

And overwhelmed.

I'm going to have to do finger sticks now. Along with the monitoring contractions that I already do. And the worrying about my iron... I feel like I'm falling apart.

I feel like I suck at pregnancy.

I'm going to go cry into my high protein snack now.

Pregnancy 2.0

2011-05-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure baby girl is the same size now that Gus was when he was born. I feel the same way (crushing pelvic pain has returned) and shirts that were fitting me at the end of that pregnancy are starting to get a bit short now despite the fact that I began this pregnancy 15 pounds lighter.

So I feel and look similar to the way I did at the end with Gus, and it's freaking me out a little. The other night my subconscious decided to take the direct approach, and I had a horrible dream that my water broke and I was telling Adam we had to get to the hospital NOW.

At my last appointment I was measuring 1 cm "ahead" (I always measured normal with Gus) and my cervix was behaving, so everything's fine for now as far as anyone can tell.

So, one characteristic of this pregnancy has been my grumpiness. Remember my "Everything annoys me" post? I wrote that post minutes before I found out I was pregnant. I reread it after I was finished and asked myself what was going on with me. "I am seriously PMSing," I thought. "And no wonder, my period is two weeks late. Oh! And I forgot to add one more thing that annoys me--food! I hate food. Ugh, the smell and the taste and the texture. So disgusting..." And then I realized that the only other time in my life that I hated food was when I was pregnant with Gus. And then I peed on a stick and the rest is history.

So the grumpiness has increased lately along with my wretched pelvic pain. And people have no filters. No filters plus grumpiness is a bad combo. For the last few weeks, at least one person a week has felt the need to make the comment that I'm "getting close." I just stared with dead eyes at the last person and asked "close to what?"

Close to losing my composure with people who insinuate that I'm a heifer?!

Yes, I am VERY CLOSE.

Then they confirm that they think I'm fat because they're so shocked to hear that my due date is still SO FAR OFF.

First of all, if you make the mistake of saying something like that, at least pretend like you think July is so much closer than it is. Second, don't make those remarks to an already testy pregnant woman. Third, I'm really not a good person to say that to considering that I am close to the time I delivered before--I know you just meant that I'm a whale, but you've inadvertently brought up some other negative feelings for me. Thanks.

I already feel huge and uncomfortable, but at the same time, I don't think I look ready to explode.

Adam took this picture last week.

I don't know. I have mixed feelings. I guess I do look big, but I feel like when I see women of my stature who are truly full term they are usually bigger than this. And no, that doesn't excite me terribly, but since I know the alternative far too well, I am hoping to get bigger still.

It doesn't help that I'm waddling though. The pelvic pain is really, really bad. (I've talked to the doctor about it, but they're not worried. It's supposedly normal. Woohoo.)

Moving on. I like to occasionally make completely absurd medical diagnoses for myself. Would you like to hear my latest? I think I have dislocated vena cava.

At a certain point in your pregnancy, they start telling you to not be on your back for more than a few minutes because the weight of your uterus can start to compress the vena cava (which sounds like some kind of organic tea, doesn't it?) and cause significant blood flow issues. Weird, right? The crazy things you find out about during pregnancy.

I've always been a stomach sleeper, and in fact I could never get to sleep on my back. I reluctantly learned to side sleep on the advice of a chiropractor, but I could not do the back. So I didn't really worry about this during my first pregnancy.

For some reason, my back is now so very comfortable. I wake up in the night and find myself on my back. When I recline to the angle that's supposed to be safe, that's actually when I start to feel bad and dizzy. So obviously I have a dislocated vena cava. I'm sure my honorary medical degree is in the mail.

In real medical news, my iron is low. I whined about it here. Yeah, I moved all of my food stuff to a third blog. That I'll update as infrequently as my other two.

PS: I passed the three hour glucose test. Jerks.

Stuff and Nonsense

2011-04-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered Small Notebook, and it's one of those blogs where I'm diving into the archives every time I have a spare minute because I keep finding such good stuff.

Someone else I read linked to it mentioning that this family had just moved to Italy for a few months and how keeping their stuff to a minimum helped them do that.

We got rid of a lot of stuff before we left for Australia. If I had known six months ahead of time that we were moving instead of six weeks, I would have sold more and been more methodical about things, but it's still been really nice to come back to so much less. In fact, as I unpack, I find myself wondering why I thought I still needed about 10 to 20 percent of the stuff that I did keep. And there's almost nothing that I want back.

We're thinking we're going to stay planted for at least five years at this point, but one lesson I've learned in the past two years is that you never know where life is going to take you. It's best to live lightly.

So many of us say we value experiences more than things, but then we buy things that we think will lead to experiences and we never use them. And eventually those things become stuff and reminders of the life we'd hoped to live rather than the life we actually lived.

My goal this year is to buy less and live more.

Nothing Better on a Saturday Morning

2011-04-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

Dudes, I failed the one-hour glucose test by ONE POINT. I'm told if you have gestational diabetes, you usually fail by way more than that, but a failure is a failure and now I'm at Kaiser on a Saturday morning taking the three-hour test. If only I'd had a snack before I took the last test. I'm guessing it was because I waited too long after my last meal. Boo.

So after I down my delicious glucose beverage, they tell me to let them know if I get sick. Nice.

I actually do feel pretty awful. I don't really see how this can be healthy. Wouldn't you think by now they'd have a simpler test for this? One that doesn't involve overloading my system with nothing but sugar?

Pinteresting

2011-04-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago some of the blogs I read started talking about Pinterest, but they're always pushing sponsors and things, so I ignored them. Then some of my friends posted about signing up and linked to their boards. And I have to check out the people I know. So I went. I fell in love. I eagerly hit the SIGN ME UP button...and they said, "thanks, you're on the waiting list." And I was like OF COURSE I'm not cool enough for Pinterest. Boohoo!

But about a week later I got an invitation. So after the kiddo is in bed, I have a new obsession these days. It dovetails nicely with my full-fledged nesting mode.

Basically, when you're surfing around online and you see something you like, you can hit the "Pin It" button in your header and it posts to the board that you select and remembers the original page where you found it, so you can click on the image and go back there. You can also see all the things other people have pinned and re-pin the ones you like. It basically kicks the butt of my "inspiration folders" and bookmarks I have scattered around on my computer. Love.

My boards are at http://pinterest.com/jsarahcorkins/ if you're interested.

Settling In

2011-04-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

So we're moved. The week up to the move, the weekend of the move, and the first few days were absolutely exhausting. We got a lot of help from family and friends, which is the only reason we were functional as quickly as we were. (Shout outs to my mom who came Friday to help me finish packing and haul "small" and fragile stuff over to the house; my entire fam who came on Saturday and unpacked my kitchen, hung blinds, and entertained the toddler; Suzanne who came Saturday and Sunday and helped assemble a couple bookcases and a dresser; and Julie who came on Tuesday and helped me unpack the family room and play room.)

This week has been more challenging because Gus got sick on Monday and has been super clingy. He wants to be carried around, which is really difficult for me these days (and something I'm not supposed to be doing a lot of anyway), and he's been napping a lot, but he won't stay asleep unless I'm right next to him. "Hug" he cries at me because he's figured out that I'm a sucker who can't refuse a cuddle request from my son.

So things have been a lot slower this week.

However, I pretty much know where all of the important stuff is and most rooms are feeling pretty functional.

For those who might be interested in how the house is looking now (my mom), I thought I'd post some progress pics.

Exterior

But before we go inside, let's start with the exterior. This is what the house looked like for most of the time we lived there.

And here's what it looks like now. We had it painted the week after we left for Australia, and then right before we moved back in the garage door broke for the second time and they were looking for an antique used part to fix it...so we decided just to get a new door. I think it makes a HUGE difference in the curb appeal. Who knew you could get so excited about a garage door.

Play Room

We made the front room a play room/guest bedroom.

Going to get cork tiles to put above the bookcase for posting the kids' art work.

Currently searching Craigslist for the right sofa bed to make the guest room portion happen. It will go where the chairs are now.

Children's Bedroom

This room was my first priority so that we could get Gus settled as quickly as possible. (Hopefully the humidifier by the crib won't be a permanent fixture...) Gus is still in the crib for now, but we're hoping to transition him to the twin bed soon. Baby girl will probably be in our room for the first few months, but by the time we move her to the crib I'm hoping Gus will be long done with it.

Still several things to put on the walls in this room, but at least it's a working room. (That cable cord is courtesy of the renters...sigh. I need to figure out how to make it go away.)

The "closet door" fabric is from Ikea. I'd picked it out for the original gender neutral nursery I was planning for Agustin. It makes me happy.

Inside the closet could still use a little work.

Office

The office is the biggest bugaboo, but then it always is. It actually already looks better than this because I worked on it some more today. But I'll save that for another update.

Master

I had a picture of the master, but it's just not worth posting. Our clothes are in the closet (mostly), the bed is made, but that's about it.

Hall Bath

Presentable!

Kitchen

Like I said, the kitchen's been functional since day one with our dishes and cooking staples, but we're still living amongst clutter there. Particularly that bar area--since the Possum can't reach that high, that's where everything dangerous goes. Or anything I'm tired of picking up off of the floor.

Dining Room

I keep telling myself that tomorrow is the day I declutter the dining room table for good, but as soon as I remove a few things, I use the space for other stuff. Eventually it will be a full dining table again.

Living Room

...is functional. Or it mostly was--today I sort of threw up pictures and picture frames all over the place. But here's what it looked like before I did that. Pictures are not where they will actually land.

Hall

I'd always been meaning to do gallery walls in the hall, and today I finally got it started. Granted there aren't pictures in all of the frames, but the frames are placed!

Backyard

Some friends of ours (Hi, Ru!) got their patio furniture at Ikea, where I hadn't thought to look before. We ended up getting a similar (if not the same?) dining set as well as a reclining chair and a couple of ottomans (we're going to get a second reclining chair, but they only had one at the time) and that storage bench against the wall. We can't wait to hang out out there with friends!

All About 18 Months*

2011-04-08T22:33:00.000-07:00

Toddlers are hilarious. They're these short little people who speak in barely decipherable language, and yet they have such a surprising handle on their world. He brings Adam a towel when he's in the shower. In Ikea he brought me a baking pan and told me it was hot. When he hears a leaf blower, he tells me "gagna" (gardeners).

Speaking of sounds, he's become really in tune with them lately. If a truck rolls by or a machine starts up, he'll start imitating the noise.

Room service with Mama

This month I've been noticing more emotional awareness on his part. He took a big swig of his water one morning and then tried to give Kona a sip. "Dogs don't drink from straws, Gus" I told him, and he looked...embarrassed? It was a look I hadn't seen before, and he seemed like he was about to cry. I felt so bad and immediately told him it was sweet of him to offer and gave him a hug. He also tries not to smile sometimes when he's doing something funny. Cracks me up.

His favorite book lately is this I Spy: An Alphabet in Art book I found recommended on Barbara Curtis' site. "'Py! 'Py!" he often requests. Each page is a classic painting, and you're supposed to find something in the painting that corresponds with the letter given. Obviously he doesn't know his letters yet, but we just look at the paintings together and find as many things as we can to talk about. It's really cool how he finds things even in some of the busier paintings and even the abstract ones. It's refreshing to look at some actual art, and I feel like I enjoy the pieces more as I "discover" them with him.

I'm going to give potty training a try when we get into our house (where I had the foresight to rip out all the carpeting). He's checked off everything on the ready for potty training list. He's been interested in the toilet and recently started pulling down his pants and sometimes removing his diaper. I've heard it's not great to potty train right before the next baby comes, but if we regress, we'll deal with it. Cloth diapering would be a lot easier if we can at least get solids in the toilet...

Gus through a vase

A highlight of this last month was Gus getting down on the dance floor at our church's 10th anniversary party. He absolutely loved being out there with everyone and shaking his groove thing. He got some clapping started; he danced in the middle of the circle; he went up girls and grabbed their hands and danced with them. He had a blast. Clearly he inherited his dad's love of the dance floor.

(Only a fraction of the cuteness. And a bummer that the lighting isn't better.)

*I realized that I've been labeling these posts with the age he is turning and talking about what he did in the previous month. Kinda makes things confusing, and I'm all about copying and pasting this into the baby book...

We're Moving Again

2011-04-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

...because I'm pregnant, and that's what we do when I start closing in on the third trimester. *snort*

I think I'd mentioned that we signed an eight month lease on this apartment not realizing that I was already two weeks pregnant. With each month that passed, as my tummy became more and more of its own entity, we began to get more and more eager to get back into our house sooner rather than later.

So when our property manager inquired about our tenants' lease ending in April and what we wanted to do at that point, we told him we wanted to get in as soon as possible. That led to our tenants giving 30 days notice at the beginning of March. So we gave our 30 days here and two weeks later we started packing. And then our tenants' new house fell through, and there were a couple weeks of uncertainty and living amongst half-packed boxes. And then Monday we got confirmation that we'll definitely be able to move on the 16th.

In the meantime, I was referred to the high risk program (because of what happened last time; not because of anything they are seeing with this pregnancy). Moving is, umm, definitely on the list of things they would rather I not do.

So this should be interesting.

If you're wondering what happens in the high risk program, basically I met with a high risk nurse who explained a whole bunch of signs and symptoms of early labor and activities that can cause early labor that would have been really helpful to know last time around. I "monitor" myself twice a day for an hour by poking at the top of my uterus to see if I'm having any contractions that I'm not feeling. I also have to count each time I discover or feel a contraction and document any that last longer than 35 seconds (apparently contractions that long can cause the cervix to start to change). A nurse calls me at an appointed time each week to collect all of this info from me.

I also have a special high risk advice line to call if I have questions. It's reassuring to feel like I'm being taken seriously, but it also makes you a bit paranoid. Every time I notice a contraction I'm holding my breath to see how long it lasts.

And to answer some frequently asked questions, I'm 26 weeks 4 days right now. I have 2-5 contractions a day that I notice, but so far only two in two weeks have been right around 35 seconds. I imagine if that worried them they'd bump me up into the next level of high risk with real monitors and bed rest and stuff.

Also, I love how people ask me how this pregnancy is going. I have no idea. *insert hysterical laughter* If you had asked me at this point last time, I would have told you that I was having an "easy" pregnancy with no complications.

Anyway, back to the move. Probably because I've been told that I need to avoid too much activity, I'm having a sudden Burst of Energy. I was daydreaming about going for a run earlier today. I am a stooge.

However, I'm going to drink another gallon of water and continue to rest after each box I pack. Exciting times, people

18 Months

2011-03-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

A is quite entertaining these days. He loves to put on a show for family members over Skype, get our attention with various noises, and perform on cue when he sees something has amused us.

He's also starting to earn his keep by helping unload the dishwasher, putting away his toys, and throwing things away for us. I love his desire to help and really want to encourage it. And it's nice not to have to bend over to unload the bottom rack of the dishwasher.

He has quite an agenda. I don't know the details of that agenda, but it involves rearranging any furniture that he is able to move. And also any crates, boxes, etc. that we encounter while out and about. If it's not bolted down, it must be moved.

Walking around with this bag on his head amuses him to no end.

He surprises us all the time now with what he can climb up on and what he's able to reach. Now that he's figured out he can climb up on benches we can't walk by one without him hoisting himself up and turning around into a seated position while smiling proudly.

"No" is a new word this month (surprising it took this long!). I read that around 18 months kids start asserting their independence more, and I'm definitely seeing that. I often ask him if I can give him a kiss, and he always obliges by offering up a cheek. Today I asked him and he started to tilt his head, then he smirked and SAID NO. Obviously I kiss attacked him for that one.

Other new words include: baboon, moon, cheek, light, leash, duck, please (pease!), truck, cow... I'm losing track. His pediatrician was quite impressed.

He also babbles at us very earnestly with real words interspersed. We can't wait to understand more of what he's thinking. Occasionally he does put together a string of recognizable words--he walked over to the front door one evening and said "My daddy be back." He also sings a lot--sometimes he's clearly composing his own lyrics ("mama, mama, mamaaaa, daddy! daddy bye! daddy daddy, dog, duck, kak [quack]") and sometimes it's hard to tell if maybe he's singing songs we just don't recognize. I keep trying to video him, but he clams up as soon as he sees the camera...

He's at such a fun age: He loves exploring his world and everything is so fascinating to him. And you can just see his brain making connections sometimes. We are so blessed.

I Think I'm Gestating a Game of Pinball

2011-03-03T13:16:00.000-08:00

This girl can kick. And she must be throwing some pretty crazy punches too because the amount of movement I feel on opposite sides of my belly in quick succession just isn't possible otherwise. I started feeling her move really early, but they say it's common to feel the baby sooner when you've had a baby before. I do notice that she moves at similar times and in reaction to the same things as A did. But I'm only 21 weeks and a week ago I SAW my stomach move from one of her kicks.

It took me a really long time to get used to A moving around in there. I remember being in meetings and wanting to put my hand up and say, "Hold on everyone, the little human in me just kicked. Let's all reflect on how CRAZY that is."

These days I'm more likely to be standing in the kitchen or reading A a book or supervising playground activities, and it's easy to sort of forget that I'm pregnant. Which is why a couple of times I've been like "WHAT THE WHAT IS GOING ON...oh, right, little human in there..."

Also, she is hungry. I know women are always blaming the baby, but I've been really trying to eat a reasonable amount of healthy food and gain weight at a reasonable rate. So I'll climb into bed after a day of appropriate calorie intake, and I cannot fall asleep because I am SO HUNGRY. Some nights I'm super tired and I do fall asleep quickly though. In those cases I wake up around four in the morning ready to consume my entire refrigerator.

I'm firmly ensconced in my second trimester, which is supposed to be the trimester of rainbows and unicorns and "energy" and glowing, but I just want to do my best impersonation of a slug. This is challenging, however, when there is a toddler about the premises. Any laying down on the job around him and I get, quite literally, bashed in the head with a book. "BOOOOOOOK!," he bleats.

He also occasionally tells me to "walk." I guess he's channeling my doctor who told me at the last appointment that I need to walk regularly. This after she heard how much I've gained (like, a pound or two more than I should have by this point). The problem is that I've had a lot of back pain this pregnancy. I've always struggled with back pain, so I was surprised when I really didn't have any with A until the very end (and I suspect that may have been part of the whole early labor fiasco). But this time I've had issues since the first trimester. Maybe because I interact with a very short person all day? Anyway, walking seems to exacerbate the problem, and then I have times when it gets bad enough that I can barely move. Have I mentioned that I take care of a toddler all day? Who doesn't like it when I don't move?

Also, I don't feel like walking. Slugs do not walk.

I KNOW, I KNOW. I'll have more energy if I walk! I'll feel less like a slug! Thing is, slugs don't reason.

However, I'll have you know that I walked today. Still not glowing or bursting with energy yet, but any second now, right?

Over the weekend I had some of my crazy pregnancy dreams and went into a hormonal downward spiral and spent most of Saturday sobbing. Because the world! is so! corrupt!

And I'm totally right about that, but today...today is a good day and I see so many blessings in my life. Maybe it was that stupid walk.

It's Just Emotion That's Taking Me Over

2011-02-20T11:09:00.000-08:00

I so appreciate all of you who've commented on my post, sent notes, and given hugs to congratulate us on this pregnancy. It really means a lot to me. It's funny, when I was pregnant with A, I was so excited that I barely heard the congratulations. This time I cling to them because they remind me to rejoice in this new life and to hope.

It might seem overly dramatic because A is "fine" now, but the fact is that pregnancy is pretty scary for me now. Combine that with pregnancy hormones, and I've had a lot of anxiety this time. I feel like there's so much that can go wrong. When I read the "What your baby is doing this week" updates, I find myself thinking, "well, that's what you HOPE is happening."

I feel like it would be helpful to have x-ray vision, a medical degree, oh, and also omnipotence.

I'm really glad I'm studying Isaiah in BSF because it's been very good for helping me get some perspective.

Another mom in my church group also referred me to Matthew 6:25-34 after I started nearly hyperventilating over the "what ifs" involved with this pregnancy. I can't tell you how many times I've read that verse in the past (I have many occasions to revisit the subject of worry), but it really spoke to me once again.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I mentioned it to somebody who said something like, "yeah, you should just enjoy today," and I was like ACTUALLY it says today has enough trouble of its own. Which I appreciate because let's not act like the Christian life is all roses and cream puffs. Hard stuff happens.

Sometimes I'm tempted now to think about how hard A's birth was, about all the stuff I didn't get that other mothers do, etc., but at the time, in the midst of everything, I felt profoundly loved. And some days I do let myself get sucked into jealousy and feeling sorry for myself, but then I'm reminded that I was cared for and blessed even then. And if something else should happen, He will still hold me.

A Girl!

2011-02-11T07:50:00.000-08:00

From top: Crossed ankles; baby face; immodest picture confirming sex.

My Mom the Baby Oracle

2011-02-11T05:52:00.000-08:00

My mom is kind of creepy. (Sorry Mom! Love you!)

Last summer while we were living at my parents' house, my sister walked into the kitchen and asked me if I was already pregnant. "Mom predicted it, you know. There's a baby on the way, and it's not me or Annah."

And I knew exactly what she was talking about. The previous morning was one of those rare mornings when the whole family gathered for breakfast at the same time. We were all settling in when my mom suddenly got an odd expression on her face and cranked her neck to look down the hall. "Oh, I thought I saw one more coming," she said.

I got chills at the time, and both my sister and I immediately thought about how my mom always said when she had three kids and she'd gather us all up, she always felt like she needed to look for one more until my youngest sister was born.

At the time I was planning on waiting about a year to get pregnant again, but as it happens, I was pregnant within two months after this.

My mom has also accurately predicted the sex of all four of her children, and now all four of her grandchildren. I totally thought A was a girl for most of my pregnancy, but my mom kept quietly shaking her head and saying, "I just feel like it's a boy."

So after I had him I asked her what my next child would be, but apparently her "powers" do not work that way. The child has to be in existence before she "knows."

One of my first thoughts when I found out about this baby--right after I blinked hard a few times and thought, "Seriously, God? You think I can handle TWO?"--was that I had to ask my mom what the baby was.

"Huh, I thought you were going to have boys, but I feel like this one's a girl," she said.

Three lines on the ultrasound say she's right for the eighth time.

17 Months

2011-02-07T14:29:00.000-08:00

Lately I watch A walk over to a door, reach up and pull the handle and let himself out of a room, and I think about the 4 lb baby I brought home from the hospital, and then my head explodes because he's just grown and learned so much since then.

He's collecting new words all the time, and I'm losing track these days. He repeats new words a lot now, though he may or may not say the word again. Mouth ("mou") and obey ("bay") are two I've recently noticed. But definitely the word of the month is "book."

When he was very young, I read to him and felt like such a good mama. We read through the Jesus Storybook Bible five or six times. We read Golden books and nice long stories, and he sat contentedly on my lap. Around five or six months, he started grabbing at the pages, and there were many casualties. Around nine or ten months, he completely lost his "attention span" (read, inability to get away from Mama), and by the time he was a year, I could only read to him right when he woke up from a nap and was too groggy to run from me.

I started to worry that we weren't reading enough.

I'm not worried now.

Now he is obsessed with books. If Mama sits down for one second to collect her thoughts, he appears with a book. "Book?" he pleads. When he wakes up from a nap he used to ask for the dog, but now he wants a book. He follows me into the bathroom with books. He drops them on my foot when I'm cooking dinner. If I sit down to read with him, he will eventually bring me every book on his shelf if I stay in place long enough. And he "reads" to himself as well, which is super cute.

And I'm so glad. But we really need to get to the library because I am so. sick. of every book we own now.

He's also started trying to sing. Some Aussie friends gave us some Colin Buchanan CDs when we left--he's an Australian singer who does bible verse songs for kids. A few weeks ago Adam noticed that when one in particular was playing, A would try to repeat the chorus "feed on the word of God." He does the "feed on" part and repeats it every time the song does. He also sings it to himself occasionally. Then when I picked him up from childcare at BSF, the teacher told me he was singing "Jesus loves me." I sang it to him in the car a few times, and he started to sing along with me ("eee-uhh uhv me"). Clearly we have a real life August Rush on our hands. ;-)

Perhaps from all of the book reading, he's starting to learn different animals now. For months he's called every animal "dog." So I got him a couple of books with different animals in them so I could show him those; he persisted in calling all of them "dog." So then I got some dog books so that at least he'd be right some of time... he occasionally says cat now, and he does know the other animal names and points to hippos, elephants, giraffes, etc. He tries to "baah" for the sheep and "moo" for the cow. But dogs are still his favorite.

Speaking of, he has this funny way of saying "Hi dog" to Kona. He lowers his voice and says it over and over. I couldn't figure out where this came from until one day I was doing my "dog voice"--the one I use when I'm talking to Kona. "Hi Kona, hi Kona," I said--and then it hit me. A still won't say "Kona;" he always substitutes "dog," but he's picked up my dog voice.

This last month he sprouted his first molar! I can see the one on the other side is about to make an appearance as well.

He's a busy little guy these days!

The kids in our apartment complex's playgroup show up in some cool rides. A's favorite thing to do is to commandeer the coolest ride available.

Dos

2011-01-25T13:40:00.000-08:00

So I’m pregnant with number two. I’m sorry if you haven’t heard this from me directly yet. I’ve been wanting to get together with everyone I wanted to tell, but life has been so busy… Agustin kept getting sick through the winter, and then all of the sudden, here I am starting my second trimester and I keep stopping myself from writing posts that mention it and it’s starting to get ridiculous.

I thought I’d let my loyal blog readers in on it before I told Facebook though. I think I'll just wait until we know the sex before I tell Facebook (we are hoping to find out this time).

This pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, which you probably guessed if you talked to me in the fall. Around the time we moved back, I met up with several friends and several times the subject of “number two” came up and each time I explained that we just signed an eight-month lease on our apartment and I didn’t want to move while pregnant; I wanted to nurse Agustin until he was two or so; and I wanted to lose a little weight and get healthier before trying again.

Taken when Dos was just an 8 week old bean...TWO MONTHS AGO!

And the whole time I was already pregnant.

Guess I won’t be writing that family planning book.

Numero Dos is due on July 10.

An Inauspicious Beginning

2011-01-03T20:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I make things hard things even harder on myself.

Because we're living in an apartment complex, I have to get fully dressed to take my dog out for bathroom breaks. I usually have the boy with me, so he needs to at least be warm enough for a brief constitutional. Also, he must either be strollered or strapped on. I usually stick him in the Ergo for these excursions even though it's a bit awkward when I have to pick up dog poop with a baby attached to me.

Brief aside: The amount of poo I deal with these days is unbelievable. I pick up two or three dog piles a day. Meanwhile, Agustin went from one predictable morning poo a day to three to five poos a day. The doctor says this is "within the realm of normal." Unfortunately it is not within the realm of convenient.

So this morning Kona needs to answer the call of nature and I get all geared up. Now, my dog is a maniac (maniac on the floor). We have never been able to break him of pulling on the leash, so my options are to wrap his leg with the leash and force him to gimp around or deal with his tugging while I have a kid strapped to me and my temperamental back. But it's mid-morning and everyone's back to work today, right? So I opt to go leash free. He may be a maniac, but he knows to stay out of the street and he never goes far from his people.

Here's where I made a critical error. I'd been trying to call the pediatrician's office earlier because I don't like to go more than a week without calling the pediatrician's office about various and sundry health oddities related to my son. They might miss me if I did. I just know they're waiting with bated breath for my next call about poo. Well, our cell phones get really crappy reception in our apartment (good thing we have no landline), so my call kept failing. But now I'm outside! Perfect time, right?

Just as I get a hold of the advice nurse, another lab and owner cross the street, and Kona trots over to them. Kona's usually pretty happy go lucky about meeting other dogs, but this dog barked and I don't know WHAT he said about Kona's mama, but it wasn't good. Kona's back totally mohawked out and I realized that this was bad. Not good at all.

The other owner looks over at me, and there I stand--the most negligent dog owner in history: no leash even in hand, a cell phone at my ear, and a baby strapped to me. I ask the advice nurse to excuse me for a moment, and I somehow get in there and grab Kona by the collar which I twist with all my might hoping to choke him until he passes out (Please note that this is impossible because my dog has a neck of steel; do not call the authorities. Honestly my life is following the plot line of Marley & Me, and right now I'm at the part where Jennifer Aniston flips out because she can't handle the kids AND the stupid dog).

Then I try to wait until the justifiably pissed other owner is out of earshot before saying to the advice nurse, "so my kid has this rash..."

But! Today is the first day of real life in 2011, so onward and upward. I have resolutions to address and plans. Big plans.

We're all dressed and ready to hit Costco as soon as it opens, but we have about 15 minutes still until we need to leave, so when Agustin brings a book to me, we get up on the couch and read. He's particularly cuddly and attentive, so I read him a few stories and then we snuggle, and then he...falls asleep. For WEEKS I've been trying to convince him that he wants to keep his morning nap to NO AVAIL. And here he is sleeping at 9:30 when I have PLANS! But I don't get as much cuddle time with him these days and he's so peaceful, so I settle in and figure I'll just enjoy this moment and let him get rest if that's what he needs.

I wonder if he's fighting off something because--in fairness, I should share the one good thing that happened today--he totally slept in today. I woke up to the strangest feeling. The feeling that I was ready to get up rather than having been woken up by a toddler alarm clock. And said toddler hadn't made a peep all night. So I checked the time, and when I saw that it was seven, I did what any paranoid mother would do and FREAKED OUT because my kid must not be breathing. So I crept to his room and from the door I could hear his rhythmic breathing, and then I crept away because I'm not stupid (he woke up about 15 minutes later).

Anyway, he proceeded to sleep for two hours(?!). Then we made it to Costco in time for the lunch rush. At such times I ask myself what is the point of being a stay at home mom when I go to Costco at the same time as everyone else? I hate Costco crowds, and I REALLY hate the samples because everyone crowds around them and blocks the aisles. That's right, I'm a sample scrooge.

I have already written way too much about this pointless day, so let's wrap it up. After we got back from Costco and I lugged some massive groceries upstairs, Agustin took ANOTHER nap. And this time I fell asleep with him. And then we woke up and I was totally late getting dinner started but it didn't matter because Adam was totally late getting home. The end.

And now I'll go worry about why he's sleeping so much...

Resolute, I Guess

2011-01-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

My New Year's resolutions are depressing me. That seems like a really bad sign.

First of all, I feel like I should already be doing these things. That I shouldn't have to make resolutions about them. Which I guess is what most resolutions amount to. But still. For example, cleaning my bathroom regularly is on the list. Normal people clean their bathrooms. What is wrong with me?

Second, when I look at my list, I wonder how on earth I'm going to do all of that stuff that I should already be doing. It makes me want to take a nap. Usually people go into their new resolutions with gusto and hope. If most of them fail, and I can't even get excited in January, I'm doomed, right?

15-16 Months

2011-01-01T20:06:00.000-08:00

So we’re inadvertently weaning. I have mixed emotions about this development, but Agustin’s recent sleep habits are cause for celebration. Before a few weeks ago, Agustin had slept nine solid hours once or twice in his life. But four out of the last six days he’s slept 9-12 hours without stirring. And when he does stir now, he often settles himself.

He is in a daddy phase right now, which I love. A couple months ago he was all about mama all the time, but now he asks about daddy throughout the day. I have a picture of him and Adam on my phone, so anytime I have my phone out he wants to see daddy. He gets quite upset when Adam leaves for work, and the other day he said his first word combo: “Bye daddy” as Adam was leaving.

I also love how the relationship between Agustin and Kona is developing. It is exactly how I hoped it would be. I often find Agustin curled up on the floor next to Kona patting him, or lounging up on him while casually fondling his ear. Recently I think Agustin won Kona over. Instead of just putting up with him, Kona seems to have decided that the kid is alright. He often sleeps in Agustin’s room when given a choice, and the other day he was trying to get Agustin to play tug with him. Of course, they were both frustrated because Agustin doesn’t have the strength to entertain Kona, and Agustin didn’t understand what Kona was doing and why he kept offering his toy and grabbing it back.

Agustin is Kona’s biggest playtime advocate, which may have something to do with the budding friendship. “Ball?” Agustin will ask us, and we’ll point out one of his balls. “Ball!” he’ll say again adamantly and point at the closet where we keep Kona’s gear. The other day he actually imitated the motion that we use to throw the ball with the Chuck It. And these days when we say “Chuck It” out loud, Agustin’s head swings around just as fast as Kona’s.

We’ve counted nearly 20 words that he’s saying now; notably “stay” to the dog with the appropriate hand command.

He is still enamored with his toes. While we're driving I'll often hear him fussing, and I know he's working on getting his shoe and sock off. And then once they're off he'll start happily singing "toe, toe, toe." Cracks me up. And he doesn't mind having his fingernails cut, but he gets pretty upset when we try to trim his toenails. Not sure what that's about.

He’s such an active boy these days and he likes nothing more than to empty every drawer and cabinet he can get his hands on and then refill them with random items. Makes life interesting.

This Kid Needs a Haircut

2010-12-03T10:44:00.001-08:00

I know a lot of moms wait quite a while to cut their son's hair for many, often emotional, reasons. I know it makes them look so grown up, but I've always been a fan of the neatly trimmed boy's haircut.

But I don't know that this mane will ever be what anyone would consider neatly trimmed.

I'm thisclose to sharing product with him. So far I've just refreshed the curls with water and done some finger shaping when they're particularly crazy. At least I know how to handle the situation. Plenty of practice...

The only reason I haven't attempted a trim up yet is that Adam doesn't want to cut it. He wants to see how big it will get.

This cracks me up since Adam's mom always says he should grow out his hair (he does have really nice hair), but if you know Adam, you know he's not the kind of guy who grows out his hair. But his son is an exception.

The thing that really gets me is this frizzed up mess in the back. Right where his little egg head rubs against the carseat.
I think I'll leave the top and go for the Kramer look, but I really need to trim the sides and back.

The other day I was running my fingers through his hair, and I got stuck. The situation is urgent.

Toddler Days

2010-12-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

With as much calm as I could muster, I asked him to please give mama her smoothie. And then he chucked it at me.

Whinge

2010-11-14T15:18:00.000-08:00

November is kicking my booty. I’m not entirely sure why because there are so many things it could be. Let down after the move? Lack of quiet time due to social engagements and a husband who’s back to full time work? Hormonal changes after Agustin got sick and started nursing like a four-month old again? Time change? The fact that there are a lot of annoyances in this world?

All I want to do is settle in for a long winter’s nap, but my toddler has other ideas. None of which include napping (WHY WON’T HE NAP??? ARRGGHH!!! MAMA NEEDS A BREAK. PLEEEEEEASE. *SOB*).

While he’s not napping, I find myself composing lists of things that are currently annoying me.

I am annoying myself. Why am I so annoyed by everything? Why can’t I be a nicer person? Where can I get a more sunshine-y disposition? Is there a frog who can kiss me and turn me from a hermit troll into a social princess? Also, I’m selfish and jealous and arrogant. Boo.
That Erica Jong article is annoying me. I agree about the elitism inherent in some parenting choices/styles, but attacking attachment parenting as something that holds women back smacks of the same old SAHM v. Working Mom/Crunchy v. Non-Crunchy/etc. debates that I personally think hold women back so much more. Most attachment parenting types are pretty well educated women who have researched and made decisions that they felt were best for their family. If it’s not best for your family, carry on and figure out what is. This job is hard enough without us all snarking at each other and judging. Sheesh.
I am annoyed with California. What the what is up with this weather? It’s November—why is it still so %@#!$ gorgeous here? I would like a reason to own cute rain boots. I’m tired of sweating in my sweaters. Is it possible to get a reverse form of seasonal affective disorder from too much vitamin D?
Thanks for ruining Christmas, TSA. We were scheduled to go to Florida next month to visit Adam’s family, but then I read this blog post and realized that we’ll most likely be escorted from the airport. I worry about what other rights we’ll give away for a false sense of protection.
The word annoying is so annoying. I’m tired of seeing it in this post.

Goodbye.

Fourteen Months

2010-11-09T18:53:00.000-08:00

This post is being written in quick, furtive bursts while the possum is otherwise distracted. In the last month he’s become way too adept at climbing and walking. This gives him the ability to seemingly be in all places at once. And there is nothing he loves more than to come pound on my keyboard while I’m trying to type, so we have to be fast here.

Newest words include cheese (yup, he’s our boy), hug, and trees. He’s also become a pro at signing for food and will do so when he’s hungry, when you mention breakfast, lunch, or dinner, say food, or just hang out in the kitchen. He’s recently developed a love affair with cheese and often signs for food and says cheese. Even after he’s just finished a huge dinner. In this family there’s always room for cheese.

I was starting to feel like he was becoming a grumpier kid than he’d been in the past, and certainly he’s much more opinionated about things (I say that every few months…that he’s more opinionated…), but lately my sunshiney boy has been back. I suspect the mood had to do with our move and getting sick.

He’s now settling into our new place and seems to be enjoying the freedom of being permitted to wander most of the apartment. No drawer or cabinet is safe around him. Last week he was in childcare three times, which is more than the rest of his life combined. He’s with some of the same kids each of those times (it was for church and then some church-related events), so I’m hoping he’ll make friends and that will help going forward.

He LOVES other kids, and he loves a crowd. We have evening service church, and I was afraid he was going to lose it during the social time afterward since it was already late, and then there was the time change. But he was having the best time ever running inside where mama was and then outside where dad was over and over again, weaving through people’s legs and watching other kids.

He’s got two more teeth coming in on the bottom for a new total of eight. And his hair is probably his most remarked upon feature these days—the longer it gets, the more it curls.

When he has a question (not that we understand what he’s asking usually, but he clearly has questions) or when he doesn’t know the answer to something you’ve asked him, he puts his hands out with palms up and sort of shrugs. Kills me.

He can show you where his hair, toes, belly, bellybutton, and eyes are. And where your nose and ears are. He’s also started doing some of the hand motions to some of the kiddie songs when I sing them.

A couple weeks ago we passed the year anniversary of his due date and BabyCenter sent me a “Your Toddler This Week” email instead of “Your Baby This Week.” Since they up and took away my “baby,” I finally went in and changed his birth date to his actual birth date. Lo and behold, he really is acting like a 14-month-old.

Hey Sugar

2010-11-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

So, day 6 of no sugar and I’m doing okay, actually. I have been in a pretty bad mood this week, but I think it has more to do with the time of the month (you are welcome for that info).

I wonder if I have a sort of “muscle memory” of the sweet tooth because the first few days were not at all as hard as they were last time. The first day I almost absentmindedly sweetened something, but then I remembered and didn’t do it and didn’t feel pouty about it either.

I’m also down a couple of pounds. Huzzah.

I don't use any artificial sweeteners, and I'm mostly avoiding fruit, which--like last time--has resulted in sort of a clarity of the palate. I enjoy the natural sweetness of foods much more. It's nice.

Settling In

2010-11-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

This week I’ve been trying to get our routine set up. I hate a lot of things about moving, but one of the worst is having to figure out how to get all of your normal things done in a new area. Where is the grocery store? What’s the fastest way to the freeway?

And I hate going new places for the first time and not knowing where anything is. I like to know things!

Have I ever told you about my move to Oakland from SF? I kept getting lost in my neighborhood, everything seemed so overwhelming, and an unfortunate series of events led to me knocking a full cup of hot coffee all over the bar at Peet's. And as I stood there, on the precipice of completely losing it, the barista came over and gave me a hug because she said I looked so distressed. I remember that barista every time I move.

So it’s been a little trying figuring it all out, but mostly it’s good. On Tuesday we took the lightrail downtown to the Library for a children’s storytime. It was a fun excursion and Agustin enjoyed interacting with the other kids. Today we went to a BSF intro class and ran into a bunch of friends from church. I’ve missed BSF and am looking forward to getting back into it. Tomorrow I’m going to check out the parent’s group at our apartment. Friday we’re planning on going to our church’s mom’s group.

I don’t want to overbook us, but Agustin is so much happier when we’re out interacting with people.

Dreams of hermitage crushed.

So we’ll see how it all goes.

I’ve reached the point in unpacking where I’m bored of the whole thing and wish the last few randoms would put themselves somewhere. And that means it’s time to have some people over so I’ll be forced to deal with it!

Watch Out, He's a Hugger

2010-10-31T10:15:00.000-07:00

We were at a party, and because we’re in that stage of life, there were babies and toddlers everywhere. Plus, balls and firetrucks and pushcarts galore. Agustin was in heaven.

There was one boy who was a little bigger and a few months older than Agustin, and Agustin was totally in awe of his mad walking and toy playing skillz. And as I mentioned in my last post, Agustin loves to hug family, animals, inanimate objects, etc.

So when the little boy, in hot pursuit of another toy, went to walk past Agustin, Agustin intercepted him with a bear hug and they both toppled over.

I love that my son is accustomed to frequent hugs and doles them out with such unabashed exuberance. Hope he never loses it.

So, a Couple of Things

2010-10-30T20:44:00.001-07:00

We moved.

And the possum is sick.

I think we can all agree that moving stinks. And that moving with a toddler is challenging (I unpack one thing, put it in a drawer; Agustin pulls five things out of said drawer). But moving with a sick toddler...just don't.

Agustin was worse at night, so the second and third nights at our new place were pretty sleepless for me. He wants "Mama Mama Mama" all the time, poor little guy. It's rough when you know they're in some kind of pain, but they can't tell you what it is. I'm just so glad that we're still breastfeeding because he started refusing solid food when the fever set in, but he's breastfeeding like crazy so he's been staying nice and hydrated at least.

We actually think he was hit with two different illnesses: first, the fever his cousin had. Then came croup. I’d never experienced croup before outside of Anne of Green Gables books. I am very thankful for hot running water, humidifiers and a very nice, experienced doctor who immediately identified the problem.

Anyway, he seems to be on the up and up now, though he still has a bit of a cough. His appetite is coming back and he’s more active again. And by active, I mean emptying every drawer he can get his hands on.

Our new place is in San Jose. Our house is leased until April, so we’ve downsized to a two-bedroom apartment in a complex very close to Adam’s new job. The worst part of this situation is that Adam’s home office is now in our bedroom. If you’ve ever seen Adam’s office, you know that this is a very effective form of birth control. Otherwise, the new digs are a decent fit. Oh, except for the light carpet. AHAHAHAAA… it’s like it follows me around, knowing that I’m the clumsiest person ever and that I hate it with a passion. The complex itself is beautiful though and there are all kinds of social events, including a parents group that I’m going to try out next week.

I’m trying to get settled as quickly as possible so that we have some settlement before we up and move again. More on the new adventures soon.

Besos!

Lucky Thirteen Months

2010-10-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

The boy continues to grow and delight.

A few of his new words this month are “balloon” (his first two-syllable attempt), “toes” (points to them), “hot” (said of coffee cups).

He’s also figuring out how stuff works. He loves to grab our phones and say “hello.” Apparently we say “hello” on the phone and “hi” in person, because that’s what our little mimic does.

He has also mastered the remote control for the ceiling fan and will aim it at the fan and turn the light on and off and change the fan speed.

He seems to have become more emotionally volatile in his teen months. He loves to give and receive hugs. When he likes something he presses his cheek to it, so he hugs me and his dad, his aunties and uncle and grandparents, Kona, favorite toys, his sippy cup, etc.… He also lets us know when he isn’t happy. It’s not like my child would ever hit or bite, but, umm, he does (where did he learn it?!). Holy cow, the world of discipline is challenging.

In the last month, he took his first steps, and he now walks short distances, but continues to drop and crawl for longer distances. He loves his walker and will often look for that when he wants to cover some serious distance quickly.

Recently we had to lower his crib to the lowest setting because he’s started climbing. He’s almost able to pull himself up on to the couch, and he’s now able to climb up stairs and back down them. We learned that when he figured out how to open the gate to the stairs (there is a safety latch on it that we weren’t using yet because it’s hard for adults to open—now we’re using it). Adam was watching him and “spotted” him as he climbed up the whole staircase and then decided to back down it. A couple nights later the video monitor popped on and I saw him make a valiant effort to pull himself up and swing his leg up. So at 10pm Adam was in there with a screwdriver buying us another several inches. We’re hoping to get into our own place soon so we can baby proof his room and just convert the crib to a toddler bed.

He'll be one year adjusted in a week and a half, so he'll be starting on cow milk (the doctor told us to wait for his adjusted age). I've let him try it a couple of times and he enjoyed it, but, wow, another reminder that our boy is growing up!

Something

2010-09-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

I published my last Agustin update later than usual because I was hoping to post about something else first. You know, keep this blog from being all baby all the time. But you see how well that worked out for me. And continues to work for me.

The thing is, I can’t really talk much about what is happening on the job search front. And I can only blog so much about how I’m tired of being in transition. (But I’m so very tired of being in transition.)

And if I don’t post baby stuff or negative stuff, then I got nothin’ people.

But maybe I’ve got a little something.

First of all, you all seem very organized. Yeah, you over there. You are probably more organized than me. Please tell me, do you enjoy your organized state? Or is it one of those things where you always feel like you could do better? Do you have time to come over and help me organize?

Second, there are no pictures of me at my son’s first birthday party. I guess all that Australian food just materialized there on its own. At the pavilion that was found, reserved, and decorated by nobody. No wait, there is one piece of evidence. I asked my sister to record the singing, which she did, but first she videoed my butt.

Almost One

2010-08-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

We have a budding talker on our hands.

He’d been babbling “mamama” and “dadadada” for a while, but a couple weeks ago he was babbling “mamamama” as I put him in his carseat, and when Adam walked around the back of the car, Agustin looked up and said “dad.” Then one afternoon a few days later (while he was supposed to be napping) he was babbling again, and Adam pointed at himself and said “daddy” and then Agustin pointed at me and said “mama.” My heart seriously flip flopped.

Now he regularly calls both of us by the correct name (and when Adam gets him, he often specially requests mama, which is a blessing and a curse…).

I don’t know what made me think that kids just say their first word clear as day out of the blue—except that everyone seems to know what their kid’s first word was. Whereas I am puzzled. He’s been making a “hi” like sound for a while now while waving at the appropriate times. Was that it? Did he say “mama” or “dad” first? I don’t know.

It’s now clear as day that he’s saying “hi” though. As we walk through stores he merrily greets everyone we encounter with a smile, a LOUD “hi,” and a wave. I knew I was going to have an extrovert.

Adam is awarded 5 points for winning the disposition smackdown.
That's also his jaw you see there.

The funny thing is that he is still about the size of your average 7 or 8 month old, so I get quite a few shocked looks and people stopping to ask “Is that baby talking? How old is he?” Adam and I joke that we should give his “weight adjusted” age. “Oh yeah, he’s seven months. Wasn’t YOUR baby talking at seven months? Huh, I guess our kid’s just a genius.”

The other word he says for sure is “ball.” He sees balls before I do and points them out to me. In that respect he takes after Kona.

Speaking of Kona, he's been saying "daw" and pointing to him. As an aside, Kona has become much more indulgent of Agustin, and Agustin still loves to pet him and now says hi to him when he comes over.

Agustin's meal-time entourage.

He also makes the following noises that may or may not be words:

"WHOAH"=whoah (...I guess I say that fairly often)
“Mah”=smack? (what can I say, he likes to smack stuff)
“Buh”=bear? (while reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear)
“Teh"=step? (while practicing walking)
“Poo”=poo? (when I ask him if he has poo in his diaper—unfortunately he only repeats me and does not give accurate information)

He has six teeth now. They make him look like such a toddler. The first five came in with no noticeable issues, but the sixth tooth has been a bear. We actually took him to the doctor's to make sure he didn't have an ear infection because he was yanking at his ear and being more fussy than usual. No ear infection; just a terrible sixth tooth.

Five teeth can be counted in this picture.
The evil sixth tooth is hiding.

Lately Agustin likes to be chased. If he sees you coming for him, he’ll take off giggling and crawling as fast as he can. Only, he really does want to be caught, so he’ll usually then stop and turn toward you to be picked up. I have no idea where he learned this. I was a bit confused the first time he did it, but now I’ve caught on and pretend to chase him on a regular basis to hear his squeals.

We recently had to invest in a cage since he crawls all over the house while I'm trying to cook or clean.

I guess they call them playards now. Whatever. The kid was getting too fast.

We've also recently invested in a couple sets of wheels, which has allowed us to get out a lot more. We got a jogging (more like hiking in our case) stroller and also a Honda Pilot. I wasn't planning on getting such a big car for one kid and a 70 lb dog, but I really love it--we can easily get the stroller in, the dog, the baby, and a friend or two. Agustin has been doing much better in his carseat now, so car trips are seeming much more feasible.

Gus in his mighty Schwinn.

If I could find my Flip, I'd post a really cute video of him with his piano... (FOUND IT!) I started recording him because he was John Tesh-ing out, waving his head around to the tunes. But then the piano started playing the Frere Jacques tune. I sing this little pointer finger exercise with him to that tune, and when Agustin heard it, he turned around and showed me his pointer. I can't believe what a big boy he's getting to be!

He loves fish. Ironically, it's also one of his favorite meals. Also, please note the developing baby 'fro. I totally won the genetic smackdown in that arena.

Pictures

2010-07-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

Being behind on things is how I roll these days. Which is why we just ordered some pictures that we took back in December with Pitter Patter Potraits in Melbourne. Agustin was so tiny he wasn't even awake for the whole thing! Here are some favorites.

Blah Blah Blah

2010-07-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

It took us forever to get our food, and as I was nearing my last bite, Adam looked at his watch and announced that our flight was probably boarding now.

Great. I hate rushing on to a flight, and I hate it even more now that I have a baby. I looked around at the array of stuff on our table that needed to be packed up…Agustin’s half finished lunch, his toys, his spoon that needed to be cleaned off. His bib and his face and hands needed to be wiped down. I sighed, shoved a last bite of food in my mouth, and began organizing the various objects.

It didn’t even happen in slow motion. I knocked over my mostly full coffee and immediately a latte-colored lake materialized on our table and my sweater, tank top, jeans, and Agustin’s Bjorn were soaked.

In a past life, this would have caused me to lose it. And out of habit I found myself looking for the tears, the urge to scream, the crushing feeling of irritation. But honestly it just felt natural. Of course I would knock over the coffee that I was really looking forward to; no need to waste energy on regretting it. What’s done is done.

Perhaps I’ve learned patience? More likely I’m just too tired and jaded.

Plus, these days it seems like either Adam or I am wearing a beverage or food. I can’t remember spilling things previously, but now that Agustin is here, knocking over cups is a regular occurrence. Sometimes he pulls them over, sometimes it’s just that in a confusion of flailing limbs, makeshift toys, etc. we have an increased accident rate.

We were on our way to Portland. As usual, people asked if this were Agustin’s first flight. At this point I don’t even have enough fingers to count the number of flights he’s been on.

I was bitten by the travel bug in college. After a trip to Europe, I just couldn’t get enough of going places. I was happy to go anywhere, really. And I loved airports. I loved the romance of newly arrived travelers and reuniting loved ones and just the sense that one could go anywhere from here.

I imagined that after I had a baby it would be a while before I went anywhere again, and I tried to get my fill of traveling in the first few years of our marriage. If you had told me that I would be traveling as much as I have with my baby, I would have thought GO ME!

But the reality is so much more…damp jeans smelling of souring latte.

Some days I look at my life and think about how outrageously blessed I am. I’ve had so many opportunities—so many undeserved opportunities. I’ve gone places and seen things I never dreamed I’d see. I have a loving husband, and a joyful baby. Parents and siblings who love and support me. Etc., etc.

Today is not one of those days.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. My hormones are out of whack. I don’t know. I’ve just been counting my worries instead of blessings, which is a pointless pastime. I need to get back to the blessings. My boy’s now-toothy grin. My needy, fun-loving pup. My sweet husband who took extra Agustin duty today while I moped.

Half of the time I want to stay upset and wallow in my sad little musings. But I’m trying to grow up. Surrender every thought. Love as I have been loved.

Farewell Nine Months

2010-07-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

Supposedly most babies' eye colors are set by this point. Which means I might always be confused about Agustin's eyes. They're brown. Ish. I think. But sometimes they seem like they're dark blue. Sometimes they seem dark green. Or light brown? My sister calls them chameleon eyes, and that's pretty much what they are.

My son has become quite the busy bee these days. I was starting to think he was going to skip crawling and go right to walking—he was way more interested in pulling himself up to standing than being a quadruped. But, silly me, I encouraged him to crawl, and finally it worked.

And I thought, at least the lower center of gravity will be safer for now. But I made a grave error. Now he simply crawls to something he can pull up on. So he’s just that much more dangerous. I cannot take eyes off of him because he’s started cruising and experimenting with how close the next object needs to be for him to let go and make it. Hint: He usually doesn’t make it. Yet.

His other hobbies include climbing all over his parents’ tired bodies, scanning the room for objects to attack (preferably things we don’t want him to have), and trying out his three new teeth on various objects and body parts. The other day we were walking through a store and he realized that his bottom two teeth clink against his top tooth. Then he started grinding them together. Then I crawled out of my skin and twitched on the floor for a while.

This month he REALLY took to solid foods. I think egg yolk is the only thing he doesn't really go for. He is especially passionate about tomatoes, plums, and blueberries. But these days he shoves big hunks of food in his mouth and munches away. Also, we're pretty sure he's a lefty--the picture below does not illustrate this point, but he usually uses the left hand when eating.

Let’s talk about the dog. Agustin loves Kona. Or at least he’s super interested in him. He tries to pet Kona like he sees us doing, but sometimes he can’t resist trying to use that ever –more-accurate pincer grasp on Kona’s nose, eyes, or ears. I keep a close watch on him though and we’re working on being gentle with our pup and taking good care of him.

I only wish Agustin’s feelings of jovial interest were mutual. Poor Kona. His doting owners abandoned him for 9 months and returned—not with a mewling, vulnerable and defenseless babe, but with a bonafide grabbing, pinching rugrat. Kona isn’t thrilled about having moved another notch down the totem pole.

The first time he growled at Agustin, I thought there must be some mistake. He must have heard something at the door. Agustin was using Kona’s butt to pull up on because I’m not kidding, the kid will pull up on anything as long as it stays still long enough. I thought we were having a precious moment with our indulgent dog. Then he growled again. I scooped up Agustin and banished Kona from the den (his “you’ve been super bad” punishment). It was so upsetting because Kona has never had a problem with kids before, and of course, we really wanted him to love our kid.

taken seconds before the growl

The NEXT TIME (oh yes) Adam was there. Agustin was trying to pet Kona and Kona barked in his face. Adam made it clear he was not happy. Kona has not made the same mistake again. But we also realized that Kona needed some extra lovin’ and to know that he was still part of the family, so we’ve made some adjustments, and it seems to be helping. We do regular mommy and me dates now, etc. KIDDING. Kinda. It seems to be working, and today Kona actually rolled over onto his back when Agustin was trying to pet him, which is a really good sign. But who’s this update about anyway? Back to the kid…

Rigorous scientific testing has revealed that Agustin understands at least the following words and phrases: “kick, kick, kick;” “bounce, baby, bounce;” “we need somebody on maracas!”; “clap;” “hi;” and he’d better understand “mama” and “daddy” if he knows what’s good for him. We’re currently working on “do not throw your food.”

It’s so amazing to think of how much he has learned even in the past few months. He occasionally tries to repeat words now, which sort of blows my mind. There’s so much more purpose to his play now too.

I thought he was a character before, but some of the impish grins he gives now just slay me. And Adam and I are constantly saying how huge he looks compared to when he first arrived (though he is still quite small for his age).

Sometimes I watch families with boys of various ages and wonder what kind of kid he’ll be. I’m looking forward to finding out.

Resurfacing

2010-07-06T22:15:00.000-07:00

I’ve been trying to write a post about lately, but it’s been hard. There are details I can’t go into. And some strong emotions. But I’m going to muddle through this… please forgive disjointed/selfish/self-pitying thoughts.

Two weeks ago we thought we were moving across the country. I was thisclose to sharing that in this here space. Now we’re not, and we’re starting the job search all over again.

Even though the thought of another big move was difficult, it was even harder for me to lose the security I thought I had.

It’s been brought to my attention lately how much having a plan, having an income, being a generally healthy person, and being fairly knowledgeable about things that affect me make me feel like I’m in control and secure. I say that I’m a Christian and that my trust is in God, but when what I consider “important” is stripped away I realize how much I really wanted to do things on my own. It’s good for me to be shown these weaknesses, but damn it hurts.

Slight sidebar: I discovered the blog Enjoying the Small Things when Nella’s birth story (don’t read unless you’re free to cry your eyes out) started making its way around the interwebs. Today Kelle wrote a post that I so identify with. There are days when I get hit by the bus. The bus sucks.

I’ve been getting pretty emotional as Agustin’s first birthday approaches. It feels like it’s come too soon—partially because it has. And it feels like his babyhood is slipping away.

I told myself that I would stop making such a big deal about his adjusted age when he turned one. So now my head is in this weird place…he’s 10 months, but last month I thought of him as 7 months about to be 8 months…so I keep thinking he’s 9 months, which is neither here nor there. Anyway, he seems to be catching up to his actual age—it helps that the developmental milestones are usually listed in 2-3 month chunks now.

So that’s my first issue with the approaching birthday. The second is that I feel like the first birthday party is that last rite of babyhood, and we (I) missed so many of the other ones or they weren’t what I thought they’d be. It took me until now to order birth announcements (I know, ridiculous) because putting his weight and birth date down on paper was a little difficult for me. But they were something I really wanted to do at the same time.

I guess what it comes down to is that a day that is pure celebration for most people marks a day for me that was actually quite scary. His birth date rings unfamiliar in a way because I wasn’t supposed to have a September baby. But from now on it will be a good day because it is his. I’m going to get over myself and count my blessings. Just as soon as I finish this post.

Basically, I’m trying to get my head on straight, and it’s just hurting my neck a bit. When I thought we were moving, it was hard to imagine being in a new city when the day came. One upshot of staying is that we’ll be near more friends now. And I’m going to need them.

My Daily Chuckle

2010-06-28T16:34:00.000-07:00

I am in love with this new blog: Catalog Living

The Agustin Report

2010-06-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

He is cutting a tooth! How many times have I blamed things on teething, thinking that any day now I’d see one… And now here is the tooth, and … he’s really not acting any different. I just noticed a bump on his lower gum when we were in Florida, and now you can see/feel the tooth surfacing. If you give him a glass to nom on, you can also hear it clinking now.

He’s started doing what my family calls “Hulking out,” where he scrunches up his face and breathes through his nose. Apparently it’s a pretty classic baby move since all four kids in my family did it, and there is also photographic evidence of Adam doing it.

He’ll usually wave back at people who wave to him, and occasionally when somebody walks in the room and says “hi” to him, he’ll wave unprompted. So he’s got the greeting concept down. His latest parlor trick is clapping.

I’ve been trying to do a little sign language with him, and he finally seemed to start doing the “milk” sign. I’ve been hoping he’d sign it to me when he was hungry (rather than staring at my chest until he’s within range to dive for it and claw at my shirt—which was starting to become his standard practice), but he wasn’t always hungry when he signed for it. Often it was when he just wanted to be held. Then one day I passed him off to Adam (with a full belly) when he wanted to stay with me, and he started frantically signing with both hands “MILK!” And it hit me: He thinks I’m milk.

He pops up on all fours now and occasionally does a downward dog, but he’s yet to really crawl. He scooches a bit, but he’s stuck in reverse at the moment.

He also started pulling up. Adam and I were at a doctor's appointment filling out the developmental checklist, and I was about to mark "no" for "pulls up." Adam insisted that he does pull up. I was sure that he got most of the way up, but I'd never seen him pull completely up. The very next day I was talking to someone as he was sitting on the floor, and when I looked back at him, he'd pulled up.

The only problem is that he can get up (and he is immensely proud of himself when he's standing), but he can't get back down other than by falling straight back...

He still has a lot of separation anxiety. This was kind of a bummer while we were in Florida visiting family who don’t get to see him often and would like to hold him. I had no idea what a golden age three months was for passing him around.

He’s gummed several foods now, including sweet potatoes, bananas, avocados, pears, apples, peaches, asparagus, green beans, steak, chicken, salmon, egg yolk, blackberries, and zucchini.

We love him lots!

State of Confusion

2010-06-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

Since we got back from Australia and accompanying travels, I’ve been confused. I wake up and it takes me a second to remember where I am. A commercial for Aussie hair products came on the other day, and when I heard the Australian accent, I had to think about where I was again. Now we’re in Florida, and I have no idea what time it is—seriously the time change has been harder coming here than it was for me to go from Australia to California. It’s easier to remember what season I’m in though, since I get sucker punched by the heat and humidity every time I step outside.

We’re over here for a few more days, and then we’ll head back to my parents’ house in California. I’ve been “hiding out” in Modesto since we got back. Mostly because the transition was so rough on Agustin and, thus, on me. I’ve been worried about him lately.

We’re in another period of waiting. On another precipice, tottering at the top, about to take another plunge down into unknown territory—we just don’t know which direction we’ll take down the mountain. Or we might just totter up here for a while. I hope not. I’m starting to get altitude sickness.

Home is a Moving Target

2010-05-11T11:44:00.000-07:00

I was cocky, COCKY! going into this last trip. Agustin traveled so well in January that I was convinced he was born to globe trot. Our New Zealand to SFO flight was scheduled right at his bed time, so I thought, like last time, I'd just pop him in his bassinet and watch a few movies. Plus, I had Adam with me this time. Easy peasy!

Not so much. Agustin went down for the first two hours, but after that he would take a half hour to resettle. Then he'd only sleep in the bassinet for a half hour. Another half hour to resettle.

Repeat ad nauseam. No really. I was that beyond tired where you start feeling nauseous. I was grumpy and frustrated, and Agustin was too by the looks of things. Adam and I had to eat breakfast in shifts because he had to be actively soothed in order to stay quiet.

So then we got to my parents' and his schedule was completely off kilter. Poor guy. We fell asleep at 8pm that night, and I would have stayed asleep, but Agustin woke up around 11 and would not settle. So I got up with him. Around 12:30 he fell asleep again, but at that point I was wide awake. Ridiculous.

He had started displaying that classic six-month separation anxiety before we moved apartments in Melbourne. The moving seemed to make it a little worse. And this move has definitely made it worse. The first two nights here, only I could settle him (usually Adam can calm him). During the day, he only wants to be held by me or Adam. I have all these family members who want to cuddle him and give me a break, and they have to work super hard to keep him from losing it for no good reason.

It's all been exhausting. I've reverted back to "sleep when the baby sleeps" because I could only get him to nap if I was there with him. We've finally (mostly) adjusted his body clock, but now we have a trip to the East Coast in the works. Wheee!

This is an incredibly boring post isn't it? Now you see why I haven't blogged. The parents out there can at least identify, but I remember when I didn't have kids and people were all cray-zay about their kids' nap times, I was like, CHILL, yo. Is it really that big of a deal?

And the answer to that is YES. It is most assuredly a Big Deal. Because naps affect both nighttime sleep and the general attitude of your child and those things both affect my very SANITY.

It's so hard to be a good mother when you're so tired and your baby wants to be with you ALL. THE. TIME. Most of the time I realize how sweet he is, and that as hard as all this transition is for me, he's feeling it too and he doesn't understand what's going on. And I love that he finds comfort in me. And I'm really blessed that I can be there for him pretty much all of the time. But sometimes I just want him to SLEEP, and I feel like if I have to listen to five more minutes of fussing, I will most certainly hurl myself out of a window. Yes, defenestration is the answer...

We're probably AT LEAST a month away from knowing where we're headed and being able to establish any type of routine. Pray for me.

Of Fjords and Farewells

2010-04-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

Two more sleeps and we’re off to New Zealand. Since we had a layover in Auckland, we decided to extend it by a few days and get a cheap flight down to the South Island to see some fjords.

I'm excited about fjords, but I have this weird anxious feeling. Not like change was ever easy for me, but I think it’s been a lot harder since Agustin’s birth.

Our church friends had a farewell party for us and we’ve been saying a few final goodbyes. Have I mentioned that I hate goodbyes?

It’s become really obvious that Adam and I handle sadness differently. I sort of run away, perhaps mope on my own a bit, but mostly try to think about other things, and maybe write about it later. Adam embraces the emotions in the moment and thoroughly mourns and openly expresses regrets and sadness, which makes it really difficult for me to run away and think about other things. The other night he was going on and on, and I was like, look, I’m trying to practice avoidance here! DO YOU MIND?!

Shipping Out

2010-04-28T15:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the excess baggage guy showed up to cart off our stuff. He weighed our bags, produced an astonishing number, and then Adam cut off an arm and I cut off a leg or else we just gave him our card, and now our things are on their way to SFO.

This was like an exclamation point to my musings about living with less. Seriously, possums, store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where there are no international shipping fees.

As our metric ton of stuff was wheeled away, I had a flashback to my college years when I answered phones and misplaced files for a law office. On one occasion, the senior partner needed me to drop him off somewhere, and it involved me driving his car back. His beautiful maroon BMW. Anyway, as he handed me the keys, he told me to live a simple life. That eventually your possessions take over, and you realize that you're doing things for them rather than truly living and letting your possessions be incidental.

I may have blogged about this before; it made a huge impression on me, coming as it did from a very "successful" person who clearly knew what he was talking about.

Oh, and then I was nursing Agustin and thinking about the verse about selling all of your possessions and giving to the poor when a blog I haven’t visited in ages popped into my head and I skimmed a few posts and then found this one.

Do you ever get the feeling somebody is trying to tell you something?

Stuff

2010-04-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

Having a baby while temporarily in a foreign country has been an interesting exercise. I mentioned my longing for chic baby gear recently. And long for it I do. Oh, yes. Though not as chic as you might suppose. I was being tongue in cheek. Tongue in chic…

I’m not talking about Bugaboos. Trust me, if you have a baby and live in the US, you have what I now consider “chic” baby gear.

The variety of choices available in the States is astounding. And I knew that. I think anyone who has ever been to Babies R Us knows that.

But it’s not just baby stuff. It’s everything. And it’s so cheap! A lot of things are two or three times as expensive here as they are in the States. For the EXACT same item, which drives me nuts because I can see the price on the American site. It makes you think twice about what you really need though.

In my last Bible study with the gals here, I mentioned that I knew I was materialistic before, but being here has really shown me how much I like my stuff, rely on it, think about it, and need it to feel secure.

When Agustin was born early, it was a terrible feeling to not have stuff for him. I felt like an ill-prepared, and therefore bad, mother. And then the moms in our church began to fill my apartment with everything I needed. Basically God smacked me upside the head and told me that if He clothes the lilies of the field, he can get me a pram.

Still, I’ve longed for a few, silly things I didn’t have that all my friends in the States have. Things I’d have in a snap if I were in the land of craigslist, Amazon.com and more competitive pricing.

And yet, somehow, I’ve survived and so has Agustin. Imagine if I’d spent all that time and energy thinking about how I could serve others. So lately I’ve been thinking about how I can maintain a simpler life even as we head back to the States, and how I can spend more time nurturing relationships rather than managing things. I’m afraid it’s quite a sharp learning curve.

In Which I Spill My Guts About Solid Food

2010-04-27T23:44:00.000-07:00

We started Agustin on solids last week—sort of. I’m doing Baby-Led Weaning with him, which means we’re putting softish foods in front of him and if he decides to pick something up and eat it, great; if not, that’s fine because he’s still breastfeeding.

I say “sort of” because we’re having to do a modified version. Really he should sit down to eat in a high chair at the same time we’re eating and he should have plenty of time to explore. Instead, we’re holding him in our laps and putting the food on the table (which is over WHITE carpet in this apartment). Thus, it’s not as relaxed as it should be, but at least we’re getting through the one food at a time thing so that when we get back to the US we can offer him more of a variety.

I’ve been joking that Agustin has possibly been developmentally ready for solids for weeks now, but his mother was not developmentally ready in an emotional and educational sense.

I’d read about baby-led weaning on a design blog (isn’t that where you get your parenting/nutrition information?), and it made sense to me because if you start solids at six months (which is what most medical types are recommending now), your baby is sitting up and able to grab things and put them in his/her mouth. It’s about the time finger foods are introduced anyway. It seems logical that around the time babies are ready to handle real foods they would have the skills to start eating those foods themselves.

It’s actually a really fun time watching him explore foods. It makes him seem so big! He’s really not ingesting much now, but the faces are priceless. I will unleash some serious cuteness overload in picture and video form when we get to California.

Frayed Muslin

2010-04-27T23:38:00.000-07:00

As I was packing today, I found two pieces of muslin with frayed edges where once they were one piece.

When we first arrived in Melbourne, I started running little errands to see if I could find some things to supplement the meager stockpile of baby supplies I had arrived with.

I was going to have a fall baby, but the change in hemisphere meant a spring baby. The baby would be born and the days would grow warm. I purchased some white cotton muslin wraps. They’d be perfect for swaddling my roly poly newborn, creating that secure feeling of the womb but not overheating the baby when the temperatures rose.

The wraps were on the desk in the guest bedroom when I was admitted to the hospital. It was still winter. There was no roly poly newborn. There was a tiny, hungry preemie who couldn’t be swaddled because he was under lights for jaundice. His limbs didn’t assume the tucked, newborn position, and in his heated isolette his tiny legs kicked and his arms reached and he squirmed and squirmed in the heated air.

I spent hours with my arms through the holes of the isolette, holding him in the modified hand swaddle: one hand cupping his head and the other over his diapered bottom. I talked to him so he’d hear a familiar voice and made sh-shing sounds to simulate the womb. But at night I had to leave.

He was unsettled at night, the nurses said, and it might help to pull some fabric firmly across his diaper so that he’d have the pressure of a hand to comfort him. But it was very warm in the isolette, so it would need to be a light piece of fabric. The muslin was perfect.

I brought in one of the wraps, but it was far too big. Do you mind cutting it?
I didn’t hesitate—of course I would do anything to make him more comfortable. It was for my baby.

I pretended it didn’t hurt as the shears bit through the perfect, white fabric.

Where Would You Live?

2010-04-16T19:19:00.001-07:00

A few years ago, a friend asked us at dinner where we would live if money were no object and we could go wherever we wanted.

I realized after that my answer was still considering money…after all, it is a big factor in where you put yourself. Since then though, I’ve tried to really think about where I would want to be if I had limitless resources. It’s an interesting exercise.

Adam and I feel very mobile now. Our household goods are all in storage, and to unload the storage means putting everything in a truck, and once that happens, the truck could really go anywhere in the country. So with the job search in full swing, we aren’t limiting ourselves to California. That’s probably where the majority of the jobs are, but there are many other possibilities.

It’s an interesting place to be. Of course anyone can pack up their house and move, and often people do. But it’s a little harder when you’re settled into a place with a job and all of your knick knacks out on shelves.

Since today is positive thinking day, I’m ignoring the fact that it’s hard not knowing where we’ll be living by the end of 2010 and embracing the excitement and freedom of our current mobility.

While there are many things that make California a logical and good place for us to be, I have to say, checking out real estate and taxes in most other parts of the country can really make you question your commitment to the Golden State. The reality is that we’re not likely to have unlimited resources any time soon, and like many before us, having a child makes us take a second look at our priorities. Our families are on opposite coasts, so we’ll never have everyone together. And I guess having such a good experience making friends in Australia makes me think (perhaps too optimistically) that we could easily find another great community if we move (our friends who have left California are snorting now).

In December we were driving through the Australian countryside and we passed a house with a massive, wide open yard, and I imagined Agustin and Kona running through a yard like that (only in some place where Amazon.com delivers). At the same time, we’ve enjoyed living in a big city, and though it has its challenges, there is certainly a lot for a child to learn and do in a city. While suburbia holds the least appeal for me, it’s certainly easier in some respects to raise children there—in parenting I’m finding that you soon realize why so many other parents do the things you thought you’d never do. So I’m torn. TORN!

How about you, possums? What are your priorities in a location—family, friends, job opportunities, other singles, weather, real estate prices? Where would you live if you could live anywhere? Is there some place you find yourself drawn to based on your current circumstances? Are you perfectly happy where you are?

California Love

2010-04-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

I am still mope-y. Weeks of stress about what decision to make followed by weeks of a long sad goodbye are taking a toll. I meant to finish that post about leaving Australia and then take a deep breath and move on, but that hasn’t worked. Instead I find that I have even more to say. But maybe I’ll say it another day.

Today I’ll try to focus on good things and looking forward. So here’s what excites me about coming back and possibly living in California:

1. So maybe the people aren’t as friendly in general, but we certainly have many friends who we’ve missed and who I’m excited about reconnecting with. After all, that’s what made me feel the pull back to California when I visited in January. Several friends had baby boys around the time we did, and I have day dreams about Agustin growing up with a crew of little guys and our families hanging out and vacationing together. I also have girlfriends there who I have years of history with and love chatting away the hours with. Plus, my family is there. In short, there are a ton of people who love us and who we love in California.

2. You really can’t beat the weather (particularly in the Bay Area). It’s rarely very hot, and it’s rarely very cold. It’s often just right. You can forget what humidity is like, and many of your clothes can be worn year round.

3. It’s beautiful. I’ve been around the world (and I can’t find my bay-beh, heh), and in terms of natural beauty, California is pretty awesome. There’s a lot of different kinds of natural beauty in the state, and you’re never far from something gorgeous.

4. If you’re a techie (like my husband is), there are just so many cool career opportunities concentrated in the area.

5. There are a lot of really smart, talented, creative, and successful people there. Did I say that they intimidate me sometimes? Well, they can, but they are also very interesting. And when you get to know them, you often find that they are witty, insightful, and often as insecure as I am. After all, our friends are part of that group, and they can certainly be open with their lives, generous with their time, and just all around cool people.

Bloggy Baby Book

2010-04-15T16:12:00.000-07:00

He’s sitting!

[insert precious pic of him sitting unsupported here]

He got used to having the nursing pillow behind him though, so now when he’s engrossed in a toy or just getting tired he’ll pitch himself straight back, expecting a cushion. Usually mama is there to catch him. Usually.

Except for Sunday night in church when I took my eyes off of him for ONE SECOND and he went straight back onto the hardwood floor. He actually kind of rolled back, so his noggin’ didn’t hit too hard, and the SHRIEKING that followed was more surprise than pain. I got to do the Mommy Walk o’ Shame out of the sanctuary, and then he immediately stopped when I stepped outside.

April 22 is his adjusted six month birthday, and I’ll be attending a class on “baby-led weaning” that very day. I wish I had a highchair for him. I wish we weren’t going to be moving right smack in the middle of this milestone. But life goes on. Oh blah dee, oh blah dah…

He is a force to be reckoned with at the table now. Since we realized that he could actually handle a high chair, none of the restaurants we’ve been at have had one. So far he’s managed to overturn a plate of sushi, fling scrambled eggs onto the white carpet in our new place, almost make off with a dumpling, and knock several forks and spoons out of my hands. Yes, mom has been slow to learn that he just can’t be trusted at the table these days…

A couple weeks ago he found his feet.

[insert pic of his hands and feet sticking out of bath tub]

Now he helpfully holds them up when I go to change him. They also come in handy whenever he finds himself without a toy. Yesterday he found his ear—I was cleaning it out when he reached up to see what I was fooling with, and to his great delight he discovered something new to grab at!

Everything goes straight into his mouth these days (the feet have had their turn at it—the ears would be next if he could), which occasionally makes me wish that he would take a pacifier (so that his mouth would already be occupied).

[insert video of me trying to give him a pacifier; he spits out, shoots me a dirty look, picks up pacifier, inspects it, proceeds to munch on all other parts of the pacifier…]

It’s so much fun discovering the things that make him laugh (see Hilarious Blocks). I just love his big joyful smiles.

[must get pic of his newest, wide, close-mouthed smile]

It’s also fun to watch his wonderment at this new world. This morning he was entranced by Adam shaving. His eyes widened as Adam smeared the white shaving cream all over his face, and then his head turned to watch the razor to sink to face and back.

Adam takes him down to get coffee in the morning and says he loves to watch the barista. I hope he’s taking notes so that he can start making mommy’s espresso soon. I need it these days—his sleeping is getting progressively worse. My fault, I think, and I’m working on remedying the situation, and yes, I have cut out caffeine. Except this morning when I knew my placebo decaf just wasn’t going to cut it because I basically haven’t had a solid night of sleep in…oh, let’s not talk about it.

I can tell that he understands certain words now and he definitely knows routines (smiles when I start to tie the sling on).

He’s experimenting with sounds and volume—sometimes at inopportune moments. Though who can resist a cute baby finding his voice?

I Prefer “See You Later”

2010-04-15T16:09:00.000-07:00

After my visit to California in January, I was definitely feeling the pull toward the US. I tried to keep an open mind, however. We do like Australia, and if we were able to settle in and set up house, I could see myself here for a while.

But we haven’t been able to settle. We felt sort of silly about it, but our dog sort of became symbolic of this inability to settle. We never had a long enough contract that we felt justified in putting him through a month of quarantine. So he’s stayed with my parents, and we’ve missed him, and he’s remained this reminder of commitments that have been hard to keep so far away and the fact that we couldn’t really plant ourselves here.

And that’s the thing about Australia. It is so. Far. Away. From everything, really.
At the same time, we’ve made some wonderful friends, and we’ve experienced some very emotional times here. So when we decided to move back, the relief I felt was quickly followed by a mourning.

In my experience, people here are friendlier. They are very generous with their time. I felt so quickly embraced here. The Bible study I attended was so open and real. It just seems like people are really comfortable with sharing their lives.

Often in California I feel like things have to be “just so.” Admittedly, that’s really my own problem. I’m easily caught up in the fact that everyone is SO smart, talented, creative, successful, etc., and I feel like I need to keep up, and inevitably I fail. Not that people aren’t smart, talented, creative, successful, etc. here, they’re just…more relaxed?

Obviously we have some wonderful friends in California who we have missed a lot, and I'm making blanket statements here. It's just that in some ways I’ve felt more comfortable overall in Australia than I ever did in California. Maybe because I’ve been more vulnerable here? Just before I left, I was telling a friend that I was worried about the fact that it takes me so long to get close to people, and it would be hard for me to make friends if we were only here a short time. Now I’m faced with the opposite problem—that there are people I really love here who won’t fit into my suitcase.

Then there’s the matter of giving birth to our first child here. The complications surrounding that just make it feel that much more like I’m leaving a piece of my soul behind. It’s not just some nice city I’ve visited now; the streets and sidewalks are full of emotion. There’s the busy thoroughfare we traversed on our way to the train station after leaving the ultrasound. We were carrying a sealed envelope for my doctor, and I was so scared. My stomach still flips when we go by that stretch.

There’s the neighborhood around the hospital that I would scurry through on my way in, trying to make it in time for Agustin’s next feeding. And then I’d wander back home, crying because I had to leave while he was awake. I hated him seeing me leave. Now I get this surge of love and gratitude for my son when we pass through.

Agustin spent his first holiday season here, and while he won’t remember any of this, he’ll always have an Australian birth certificate and “Australia” as his place of birth on his US passport. And he’ll have a large collection of children’s Australiana amassed by his mother who will always remember the place where her family was shown such kindness and where she felt so loved.

G’Day, Possums

2010-04-06T17:21:00.000-07:00

Stress levels around the CoHo have dropped, though I remain anxious on several levels. What can I say, I’m an expert on anxiety. I really need to think about what my anxiety says about my character, my fears, the state of my heart etc. Right now I’m too busy worrying…

Anyway, to get right to the point: We’re moving back to the US. Likely one of the 48 contiguous. The smart money is on California, but you never know. People can up and move to Australia in the middle of a pregnancy, so you can’t really count on anything, now can you?

The tentative plan is to fly to California the first week of May. And likely during the month of May, we’ll take a trip to Florida. Whether we set up residency there (no state income tax!) or just visit remains to be seen.

Oh so amusingly, our houses in California and Florida both became available last month. This caused some of the stress around here, but it also allowed me to take a flight of fancy about moving into one of them and being back in a house owned by us. Not to be, however: They both have renters once again. Which is good. I guess.

I am far too enamored with the things of this world. Things that include painting, installing crown molding, and owning chic baby gear. I suppose I can still own chic baby gear in a rental…oh, the heart, it is a wily creature.

We moved last week, by the way. Into an apartment almost a third the size of our last one for almost twice as much (this is what happens when you have to go short term). I am learning to be content in all situations, but I am in the remedial class.

The upside is that we can more clearly see all of the worldly trappings that we have managed to accumulate during our stay that we need to divest before the big move in a few weeks. Wheee!

Incidentally, we have jenky (that is a technical term) internet in the new place, so I won’t be uploading pics or videos of the boy until we’re back in the land of virtually unlimited bandwidth (God bless the USA).

Updated

2010-03-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

Much stress at the CoHo as of late. In the meantime, I've posted a month's worth of postings over at Postcards, which covers all of our non-stressful activities.

Y'All, It's Been Rough

2010-03-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

We have to move out of our place by the end of the month. What's that you say? The end of the month is coming up? Why, yes it is. That wheezing sound you hear is me hyperventilating. We've known about this since...January, but I've done an excellent job of pretending that it isn't happening. I have a habit of doing this when I'm forced to move when I don't want to. Ask my mom.

Thing is, I like our place. It's spacious, nicely furnished, and for what it is, we got a good deal on it. We're on the top floor in one of the biggest units in the building. Literally and figuratively, there's really no place to go but down.

And we are trying to stay in this building because we have amassed a nice collection of stuff--mostly borrowed baby stuff--that will be difficult to move without a car. It would be nice to just move in the elevator. Also, we like our building and location just fine. Did I mention that I don't really want to move?

But wait! I have more reasons why this stinks!

Adam's contract only goes until mid-April anyway. But maybe we'll stay longer. But maybe we won't. But if we do stay longer, we don't know how long. So exciting! If by exciting you mean frustrating!

No, I'm not done complaining about my privileged life! Stay with me.

Three months ago we went through all of this. Only back then we weren't being forced out of our place (TWO WEEKS before we may or may not need to leave anyway!). Anyway, I went to showings, searched high and low for a place that would take our dog, became BFFs with potential landlords, researched neighborhoods, found a place that was great in a neighborhood we really liked, priced out furniture, etc., etc., and then we ended up staying here for several reasons, not the least of which was that we only had three more months. But all that work was a huge emotional investment for me, and, well, I don't want to get hurt again. Hold me.

So the last week or so I've had insomnia. I can't stop thinking about everything we need to do, what kind of place we should get...and I've got a whole list of non-residence related things that I can worry about should I be able to work past my moving issues.

Insomnia is REALLY stupid when your baby is suddenly having problems sleeping through the night, by the way. Basically I can't fall asleep until he gets to his problematic sleep cycle. Which means I'm just not sleeping. Should be sleeping right now.

Not sleeping.

Worrying.

That's where I'm at, kids. I'm behind on correspondence because I spend all my time on the real estate sites.

I keep telling myself that this isn't a terrible thing. That it's not like we're going to be homeless. That every option we have is a good option! So we can't go wrong!

And yet.

Six Months

2010-03-06T18:48:00.000-08:00

Since my last update, Agustin has been collecting new skills and qualities at a mind-boggling pace. I would have chronicled them sooner, but I am exhausted. The lovely sleep rhythms he had settled into have become a thing of the past; the last two weeks he’s been waking up every one or two hours. Since he's about four months gestationally, there could be a lot of reasons for this. But I don't need reasons, I need sleep.

He’s become quite mobile. In Sydney, I realized that I needed to get serious about creating pillow barriers when I came in to find that when he’d woken up from his nap, he’d flipped himself onto his back and used his legs to scooch down until his feet were hanging of the bed. Eeeck!

Then, the other day, I put him on his stomach with some toys about a foot away from me while I was at my laptop. Five minutes later, he was on my arm. He’s not crawling, but rather using crawling-like motions to inch forward. I seriously almost had a heart attack when he pounced on my arm—my life is about to change from stationary baby’s mama to mobile baby’s mama. It's just a matter of time before he's able to lift his body up and get some speed.

He's getting close to being able to sit, too. His neck is really solid, and his abs are strong enough that he can pull himself forward from a reclined position. It's the side-to-side balancing that he doesn't have down yet. He's starting propping himself up with his arms though.

AND. His lower gumline is looking mighty pale, and he’s started drooling…dun, dun, DUNNN!

He’s started really studying things now. He’ll watch his hands as he wiggles his fingers and turns his palm toward and away from himself. He grabs for things he’s interested in, including mom’s nose, dad’s lips, our coffee cups and bowls, train tickets, clothes...

The nice thing is that I can now amuse him (for a while) by giving him something to play with. Crinkly paper is a favorite.

But the giggles are the best. He’s been giggling for a while, but now he responds to funny faces—and even better—he’ll start randomly giggling at things that apparently strike him as funny. Like when I drink from my water bottle (?). Or when I sign things to him. Crazy mommy with her silly parenting ideas!

He continues to enjoy the hubbub of having other children around and smiles when people talk to him. I don’t know how soon you can really see personality traits in babies, but all signs point to him being social.

I’m one of those people who is guilty of over using the word “awesome.” But it is truly awesome to watch a new life waking up to the world. I am so blessed to be his mama.

Road Trips

2010-02-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

Travelin' Babeh

...expresses disapproval of safety restraints.

Did I mention the reason we did so much traveling in January (see the other blog) is that Adam was off for a month? It was so nice having him around, and getting out to all of the places we meant to go before Agustin came.

Of course, we’re a lot slower these days.

Car rides are especially different and difficult. First, I ride in the back with Agustin to try to keep him entertained. In addition to missing sitting with my husband, I have a tendency toward car sickness, which this situation aggravates. And I’m not sure I’m really doing any good most of the time anyway.

When Agustin wakes up from a nap—whether it be a five minute or five hour nap—he wants to eat. And usually when he starts stirring I just get ready and pop him on the breast as soon as he starts with the mouthing. So when he wakes up in the car and I don’t immediately lift him out of his car seat, he goes ballistic. And as he sobs, he stares. At. Me.

And when I put my hand to his face to try to comfort him, he turns to it eagerly thinking it’s the breast. And then when he realizes it isn’t, he screams harder. Seriously, kill me now.

I hate the carseat.

Even worse was driving around California with just the two of us. Then I couldn’t even try to comfort him. Except by talking and singing…I was often hoarse by the time we reached our destination. And traffic! I thought traffic was bad when I was driving alone. Now being alone in traffic sounds like a vacation. It is MUCH more stressful when you have a crying baby in the back.

Planes are fine though. Too bad we can’t fly everywhere.

These Are the Kinds of Ads You Get

2010-02-11T15:43:00.000-08:00

When you check your Yahoo! mail from Australia.

All About Agustin

2010-02-11T02:41:00.000-08:00

Agustin is at such a fun age now. I was looking at some pictures of him from November, and it struck me that he’s such a different kid now. Those were tough times—still good, but tough because we were figuring him out and he just didn’t communicate the way he does now.

He loves to be outside. In fact, that used to be one of the most reliable ways to calm him down—as soon as we’d get in the elevator, he’d stop crying, and he’d fall asleep the second we stepped outside of the lobby. He still likes to get out. But now he’s much more engaged. He’ll turn to see the street performer that he can hear. I notice him in the grocery store checking out the shelves. He’s a much happier boy when we spend at least some time outside every day.

He especially loves trees. There aren’t too many here in the urban jungle, but when we were hiking in Tasmania he was transfixed by the green canopy. Since then, I’ve noticed that if we walk under a big tree he throws his head back and gazes up at the green. He's also more likely to stare out windows when there's greenery outside of them.

He also loves his baths. He might be a swimmer. Or maybe he’ll just really enjoy hot tubs.

His grandmother Carmen got him some baby Uggs, which I love. Thing is, the furry insides seem to make him point his toes. I can’t get them on him properly unless he’s asleep because he will not flex or relax his feet. He doesn’t have this issue with other shoes.

He started giggling in his sleep before I ever saw him do it in reaction to anything. The first time we heard him laugh was in Tasmania—Adam was tickling him and he started chuckling. That was one of the highlights of my life.

His silent crack up is much more common. Sometimes he’ll throw his head back with the biggest smile and a noiseless laugh. Very endearing.

He’s also finding his voice. When I get up with him early in the morning he’ll often sit in his chair babbling away while I make my coffee.

His hands fascinate him and he’ll study them for quite some time, moving his fingers and turning his palms. Then he’ll shove them in his mouth and chew on them endlessly.

He won’t take a pacifier now. Hands taste better, I guess. And somebody else’s hands are the very best, though he’ll settle for a blanket or soft toy if he has too.

He won’t take a bottle any more either. Once we started breastfeeding, I was so tired of pumping that I took an extended break. When I got back from California, I made a bottle so that Adam could feed him. He refused. I know this will be a problem at some point, but breastfeeding has helped me feel so much more bonded with him, and I can’t help but think he must feel that.

He is such a joy, and I fall more in love with him every day.

The Food Thing, Part 2

2010-02-09T10:54:00.000-08:00

When I left off about my new eating habits, I mentioned that I had a lot more to say about sugar. In trying to avoid it, I’ve become much more conscious of my food. It’s really unbelievable how many things sugar is in. You basically have to eat at home and cook everything yourself to be sure that you’re not eating sugar, and even then, you have to be super careful about reading labels.

While trying to figure out how to avoid the sugar, I happened upon several blogs with interesting posts about how sugar affects the body, the history of sugar, and many other facts about sugar that will make you stressed enough to eat a plate of brownies.

I also researched artificial sweeteners, and I’m going to stay away from them too. I may occasionally use stevia (which is an herb) and honey, but only sparingly.

People have asked how long I’m going to follow this diet. I’m starting to think it might be a long time. I seem to be in better spirits without sugar. I have fewer highs and lows, and the lows aren’t as low.

I’ve also never been the kind of person who could just have a little sugar. I see so many skinny women who LOVE to bake, and they make things and don’t eat them all at once. I’ve always wanted that kind of self control, but I’ve never been able to maintain it. I’m the girl who finishes the baked goods the skinny women have made. I tell myself that you have to have treats in moderation, otherwise you’ll go crazy and binge! But “occasional” treats become regular treats pretty quickly for me. And don’t get me started on portion control.

Ironically I’m finding it rather freeing to be sugar free. I don’t eye the dessert table plotting my next move. I don’t wonder if I should turn down treats; I just say no, and then I don’t feel guilty after.

Shut up, cookie.
You are dead to me!

My Latest Attempt to Ruin Your Lunch

2010-02-09T02:23:00.000-08:00

Now that Agustin has some chubs, I’m finding that he’s been using them to pilfer… oh goodness knows what, but the result rivals French cheeses in stinkiness.

Just when I think I’m aware of all his hiding spots, I’ll be blissfully munching on his delicious rolls when mid-nom I’ll come upon a previously undiscovered pocket of Camembert.

This is what I get for being all puh-leeze, I know how to bathe my baby. But honestly, back when I was receiving instructions, he had like two skin folds on his whole body that needed cleaning.

Now I’ve identified at least 10 usual suspects, and I’m constantly on the lookout for new ones.

When I was childless, I didn’t understand why babies needed to be bathed so often. I mean, you clean the booty every time you change them, and it’s not like they work out. But now I know: You can bathe them daily or you can rent a stall in the dairy section at the local farmer’s market.

He’s going to love me for blogging about this when he’s 18, right?

Umm, Back Again

2010-02-06T16:26:00.000-08:00

So yeah, I was all “will have internet connection in California!” and then I proceeded to not blog the ENTIRE TIME.

If you’ve been reading here for a while, you can probably guess what happened: People overload.
In the best way possible.

But still, my head was just spinning after visiting so many friends. I had such great conversations and could have written 30 blog posts about some of the ideas I was thinking about, but I just didn’t have the energy.

I’m jotting down notes about some of these topics and hope that I can get to them eventually. In the meantime, I have a bunch of half-written posts from before I left.

I didn't get pics of everyone Agustin met, unfortunately, but the photos I did take and the ones I stole from friends and family are now posted in an album on the Postcards blog.

Also, I’ve decided that I really need to up my game on being a wife, mother, professional keeper of the home, etc. It turns out that takes time, energy, and even creativity, so blogging may slow down due to that.

Captain Obvious Reports: Babies Grow Fast

2010-01-13T14:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since Captain Obvious paid a visit to this blog, so today I'd like to talk about how babies grow out of things ridiculously fast.

I was comfortable with Agustin growing out of his preemie clothes, but then he grew out of newborn sizes, and I was like, hey, HEY, I LIKED THAT OUTFIT! And you wore it THREE TIMES!

People warn you that this will happen, but it really is amazing to see it with your own eyes. Now he's on the cusp of growing out of his 0-3 months sizes, and really, he can wear the 3-6 months just fine now. In fact, I've started dressing him in those so that we can have more time in them. And I only buy things that are two sizes up from what he currently wears.

I shouldn't have done this on a white background, but you might be able to see that there's about an inch gap where the ID bracelet he wore in the hospital won't close. It's so hard to believe that he was that small and that he's this big now.

A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from one of the baby sites that he should be starting to roll over any time now (according to his gestational age--I never changed my due date so that I can see what his adjusted milestones are). I kind of started worrying because I hadn't seen him do it yet. Honestly he hasn't had much tummy time lately because my boy who LOVED tummy time suddenly stopped liking it and we've been so on-the-go lately that he's been in carseats and carriers and dandled in our laps at restaurants and on planes and trains. He loves to "stand" and push with his legs and arms; he just wasn't rolling over. But then he did twice yesterday (tummy to back) and some more today.

This is the co-sleeper he naps in. When he first came home, we could almost turn him sideways in it (when he was all scrunched up).
As you can see, we are close to outgrowing this too.

I posted that video of him batting at the fish because before then he would just stare at it and not realize that he might be able to touch it. Now when he wants to touch it, he reaches up and touches it. No more batting. He's also started to figure out that he can use those hands to bring stuff to his mouth. Good times.

Whassup, dudes. Yeah, I'm gettin' all big and stuff.

With him being born early, I felt like the up-side was that I got some extra baby time. And I did get a longer newborn period, but now he's developing at a regular pace, and every week he does something new.

Adam and Agustin discuss economic policy.

At his last checkup, he weighed about 11lbs, and we found a scale at the hotel we were in last week, and he's now over 12lbs. He's still on the small side for his adjusted age--his weight is in the 25th percentile, but he's up from the 10th percentile at birth.

Adam suggested as we were driving that we should start thinking about baby proofing, and I was like, that's crazy talk. I have a little baby. But truth be told, he's already starting to get around. Last night we had him in bed between us and the human magnet managed to scoot himself over to dad. Then he positioned himself diagonally so that his head was on me and his feet were on dad.

Must. Enjoy. Every. Moment.

Aaaand I'm Back

2010-01-13T02:25:00.000-08:00

Newsflash: There are still remote areas of this world where internet access is hard to come by. I KNOW, right?!

Turns out Tasmania is one of those areas, and I was completely not prepared to go offline for a week. Not that anything bad happened, and it was probably good for me, but the blog went dark.

I have several posts in the "hopper" and meant to at least finish writing them while we were on vacation, but I did not. I actually went to bed when the baby went to bed a few times. He's sleeping 5 hours and then 4 hours, by the way (7pm-4:30am). I am probably going to completely mess up that predictable, if not luxurious, schedule with our trip to California. *sigh*

But, anyway. Blog. Yes. I'm here again, and there will be no such disruptions in good ol' California, land of the geeks.

New Heights of Motherhood

2010-01-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

Agustin just puked in my mouth.

One million points.

The Food Thing

2010-01-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

So, as I mentioned, we (Agustin and I) came down with thrush, and the doctor (rather snottily) told me to cut out sugar. She didn’t even ask about my sugar eating habits; she just assumed I must consume a significant amount. I felt so fat and American. Anyway.

When I got pregnant, I (mostly) laid off the artificial sweeteners, so there has been a lot more sugar in my diet because I admittedly have a major sweet tooth. But lately I’d been trying to cut back on refined sugar and substitute sweeteners like honey and maple syrup which at least have trace nutrients. Still, the rate at which I was consuming honey was a sign that I was still overdoing things.

I’d actually started researching the sugar thing and following some new blogs about eliminating sugar, but the doctor’s orders were the kick in the pants that I needed to get started. So out went all added sugars.

Some of my research on thrush suggested that it is also helpful to cut out dairy products, and since that’s often one of the diet modifications recommended for nursing mothers with refluxing babies, I thought, what the heck, let’s give that a go too.
And finally, I eliminated all bread/wheat products because they’re also on the “fuss foods” list and most of them contain sugar, yeast, or dairy anyway.

Oh, wait, I also avoid tomatoes, onions, and broccoli. I think that’s it. I’m a lot of fun at a party.

Anyway, the first week was really hard and I was in a foul mood. I wanted to shove people who ate sugar in front of me. It’s getting easier though. I probably won’t shove you.

Now, you’re not really supposed to cut out everything at once if you’re trying to address a baby’s digestion issues because you end up not knowing which thing(s) the baby is reacting to. However, I didn’t really feel like spending a whole bunch of time running experiments while my baby screamed in pain.

Agustin has had off and on issues with gas/reflux/digestion since a couple weeks after we brought him home. I asked the nurse about my diet, but I kept hearing that if you ate it while you were pregnant and there are no known allergies to it in the family, a food should be okay. And every time I got close to going ahead and trying some changes, the problem would seem to ease up. But since it kept coming back, it was time to go for it.

The changes seem to have done him a lot of good. Fortunately or unfortunately. But I must begrudgingly admit that I’m feeling better too. I feel like I’ve seen improvements in my skin. And I keep thinking I’ve lost weight, but I have no scale and I’m not noticing any huge differences in how my clothes fit, so maybe I’m just making that up. I hear some women when they’re nursing have crazy slow metabolisms—particularly up to the four or six month mark. I am back in my pre-pregnancy pants, but that’s not saying a lot since I had about 35 pounds to lose before I got pregnant. Anyway.

It turns out that I have a lot more to say about this food thing and sugar in particular, but this is already too long. There will be a part two…

The Gory Details

2010-01-03T02:12:00.000-08:00

Agustin’s birth was amazing, and the next time I saw Adam (you’re about to find out how we got separated), I remember grabbing his hand and saying “wasn’t that CRAZY?!” It was so crazy, I felt like I needed him to confirm that, yes, it really did happen that way. I didn’t dream it.

Part two wasn’t so dreamy, though. But some of you like to hear the whole story, and I’m that way too, so here it is, but be warned that it's not pretty...

So after I pushed Agustin out sans drugs, they whisked him over to a table across the room where a group of pediatricians and nurses surrounded him, and I told Adam to stay with the boy.

Meanwhile, I’m hanging out with my feet still in the stirrups. And my knees are shaking. And I’m cold. And while Agustin was admittedly much smaller than most babies, I still wasn’t about to go horseback riding if you know what I mean. I was in pain, uncomfortable, and I just wanted to be allowed to slink off to a corner with my legs together for crying out loud.

I had the distraction of Agustin for a while. I was worried because it was a few minutes before he cried, and then I heard a little mew and asked if it was him. It was. “He’s okay; just a little scrawny,” I remember the pediatrician saying.

As they continued to work on Agustin, I realized that the placenta wasn’t coming. Oddly, ever since I heard that you have to deliver the placenta (years ago), I’ve been freaked out about that part. During my pregnancy I consoled myself by determining that I’d have a natural birth, and I’d make them give me my baby right away, and I’d immediately start nursing to stimulate the contractions. I told myself that delivering the baby would be the hardest part, and the placenta would be easy in comparison. But still I worried. I did NOT want them pressing on my stomach like I’d read about in some birth stories. It just seemed so barbaric.

Hey, guess what? They decided they needed to press on my stomach. I have to say, my doctor was as gentle as he could be, but they brought the gas out and told me that now I was really going to need it. At this point I was happy to oblige.

I started sucking on the thing, and then I wondered if I was supposed to be inhaling as much as possible? Or just breathing normally? I couldn’t ask with the thing in my mouth…

After a minute or so of gas, I started to feel really light headed. So much so that it panicked me and I pulled away from the inhaler piece to let them know that I might be dying. No, no, that’s just the gas, they said. And then they REALLY started pushing on my stomach.

And I realized that I was as high as a kite…AND YET, I was still in major pain. I can’t tell you how mad I was that I was feeling really out of it but still in so much pain. If the pain was still going to be there, I would have preferred to be more in the moment since my son was still in the room.

Then they brought Agustin over to me because he was ready to head up to the NICU and I fought through the fog to look at him and try to memorize his face (the rest of him was bundled up). I couldn’t tell how big he was with all of the blankets on him, but his little face was so beautiful. That’s when that first family picture was taken, and then Adam left with Agustin.

At this point, they decided that I was going to need a manual removal. And that is as gruesome as it sounds. “You are definitely going to need an epidural for this,” they told me, and the anesthesiologist who had been waiting in the wings entered stage right.

I wasn’t about to be a hero. I’d gotten Agustin out safely without any drugs, and I was ready to be done. So they administered the epidural, and suddenly I was okay again. I could handle the stupid stirrups a little longer. They put some blankets on me, and I was lovely and warm, and willing to just hang out (probably the combined effects of the gas and epidural).

And if I hadn’t had the epidural, the manual removal would probably have been the worst thing that ever happened to me. Apparently the placenta came out “in bits and pieces.” “That’s a technical term,” the nurse told me. And I was able to laugh nervously, but I could tell that the doctor was doing some serious work. I didn’t tear at all from Agustin, but I needed a single stitch after the removal.

It seemed to take a very long time, and from what I gathered, the doctor was late picking up his daughters from something. Then it seems that I was wheeled into a recovery room—and I remember being moved and wondering how Adam would find me, but I don’t remember being in the room. Adam did find me there, and I remember him riding up to my hospital room with me, but whatever time I spent in recovery has been erased from my mind.

The only issue with the epidural was that they made me wait until my legs had stopped tingling before I could be wheeled down to see Agustin, and that took HOURS. I gave birth soon after 4pm, and didn’t get downstairs until after 10.

So that’s my epidural story. And the other twist in my medical history that was once so uncomplicated.

Well Now

2010-01-02T03:09:00.000-08:00

Now that all of the casual readers have the new blog to look at, we can really get down to business over here. I’ve been holding back on certain stories because my whole family was reading this, and I wasn’t sure some of them wanted to hear about certain things. So if you’re still reading this, CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED: I’m working on a post about why I had to get an epidural AFTER Agustin was born. And other posts about EMOTIONS and INSECURITIES and, even worse, HOME DECORATING.

Save yourselves: Unsubscribe now if you can’t HANDLE the Kjerste…

New Year, New Blog

2009-12-31T04:49:00.000-08:00

There has long been an issue with this blog. It started out as essentially a letter to my girlfriends when I found myself copying and pasting the same email to several of my closest friends. The blog has served its original purpose well—not only does it keep all of those girlfriends up to date (and they can email or call when they see something that raises an eyebrow), but it has also made me closer to several other friends who happened to stumble on it and identified with some of the things I write about.

However, along the way, I also became the chronicler of the CoHo chronicles. And there are people who are interested in the general activities of our family who don’t have the time or interest to deal with my angst, hear about my bodily fluids, or sort through my schmaltzy sentiments. While they might be interested in our vacation pictures or hearing about the baby, Adam’s business colleague doesn’t necessarily want to read about my uterus, and my grandfather feels uncomfortable hearing about my body image issues. Go figure.

So, when we arrived in Melbourne, inspired by the uptick in interest in my blog due to our move, I finally started working on a family blog. As I was getting close to launching it, I was hospitalized, and then of course the new blog became very low on my list of priorities. I was grateful to have this blog available to fill everyone in on what was happening. As our son did his time in the NICU, I often came here to write because it helped me figure out what I was actually feeling. And the comments and emails I received in response were hugely encouraging.

Now that life has evened out a bit, I’ve been staying up late to get the new blog figured out (penance for not getting to a Christmas letter…for the last three years…).

I am very happy to unveil: Postcards from the CoHo

I know that sounds like a travel blog, but life is a journey, blah, blah, blah, and all of that other deep/clichéd stuff… The idea is that I’ll post a significant picture/video/album and a few short sentences. Like a postcard, it will keep people up to date on where we are and what we’re doing, but it’ll all be stuff that we don’t mind the postman reading.

This blog will continue to be the long, confessional letter to the people who care about me.
Now, if we don’t know each other very well, but you’re enjoying this blog, by all means, keep reading. If I were uncomfortable with you reading it, I wouldn’t post it on the internet. I’m clever like that. I personally love reading people’s more personal thoughts and don’t really understand the people who are uncomfortable reading this blog, but I’ve heard the comments several times now, so it’s not just a fluke. I have no intention of locking this blog down because, like I said, I’ve become closer to people who I might not have just because they happened upon this page.

Obviously there are things I can’t write about in such a public space, but I find that I can write about enough that it is worth it to me to keep this blog going. One of my favorite things about blogging is keeping it real, yo. I’ve felt a bit restrained with all of the attention this blog occasionally receives, so I’m looking forward to being a little more “me” here now that there’s an official channel for the family stuff.